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laura zeis
@
zeistea
Brooklyn, NY
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It's hard to be a diamond in a rhinestone world
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1.383
Tweetovi
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1.419
Pratim
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634
Osobe koje vas prate
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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4. velj |
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I just learned that possums only live to be like 4 years old; my day is ruined. Goodnight.
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Possum Every Hour
@PossumEveryHour
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3. velj |
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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3. velj |
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I want “Shakira’s Tongue” to be the next “Chekhov’s Gun,” and I don’t even know what I mean by that.
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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31. sij |
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Marry me
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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24. sij |
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I promise I didn’t take it personally
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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20. sij |
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🎵We’re all turds now in the shit show.🎶
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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17. sij |
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🎵 Hot bile in the city! 🎶
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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16. sij |
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Dating a movie buff? Try this one:
“Boy, you got me so wet I’m John Waters down there.”
(She lifts her skirt to reveal a pencil mustache wax-job)
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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15. sij |
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This would happen to me. Then I would probably apologize to the person who dumped me into the street. I didn’t choose the #doormatlife. It chose me.
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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14. sij |
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I bet every other native Texan did this when they learned about
thetruesize.com. pic.twitter.com/8LuxKEPsjf
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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14. sij |
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Take a precautionary Pepcid
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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14. sij |
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I’m not a vegetarian and it is one of my most favorite things to eat. (And it requires tons of tofu!)
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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14. sij |
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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8. sij |
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The only personality test that should matter to anyone is:
Are you a Beavis or a Butthead?
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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27. pro |
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No not yet. It took me months to get past the gas station part in the beginning.
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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25. pro |
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This also could have been me
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Reductress
@Reductress
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24. pro |
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QUIZ: Are You Even Good Enough to Have Imposter Syndrome?: ow.ly/uQqH50xHeA7 pic.twitter.com/oES8UPP3PU
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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22. pro |
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🎵I’m gonna crap my paaaants🎵
🎶only got BBQ in my stomaaach🎶
🎶I’m gonna burst🎶
🎵This is the worst🎵
🎵This is fuckin awfullllll🎵
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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15. pro |
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Companies are already branding their sales with the words “last minute shopping.”
Today is December 15.
My big procrastination dick scoffs at this.
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laura zeis
@zeistea
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15. pro |
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I did not. I am a coward (and honesty he’s probably gay)
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