Twitter | Search | |
Tarah M. Wheeler
I've angered three people in the last month because I refused to meet with them. Why? The people requesting those meetings couldn't give me a clear agenda for why they wanted my time. 1/n
Reply Retweet Like More
Tarah M. Wheeler Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
I refused to set a meeting time with one CEO, one admin assistant, and one recruiter because they all "just wanted to get some time on the calendar with me." 2/n
Reply Retweet Like
Tarah M. Wheeler Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
All of these people are valuable humans, and I'm sure I would have enjoyed the conversation, but there is a creeping illness in technology and business where people don't say the *actual* reason they want to meet with you. 3/n
Reply Retweet Like
Joe Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
I make liberal use of the 'tentative' button in the absence of any agendas.
Reply Retweet Like
Lee Badman Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
But think of all the "value" you passed up!
Reply Retweet Like
Jason Bell Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
They’re angry? An agenda would be common sense. Then there’s my favourite of old, taking a flight when a Skype/Hangout/Facetime call would do.
Reply Retweet Like
Tarah M. Wheeler Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
Each of them, by not giving me the reason they wanted to meet with me, was deliberately preventing me from sending them back the 1 or 2 line email with the actual answer to their question. 4/n
Reply Retweet Like
Scott Arciszewski Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
A creeping illness, and sometimes, a creepy one too.
Reply Retweet Like
unshocked, cheater of death, mother of blockchains Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
Main reason for this is to catch you off guard. Sun Tzu's Art of War level shit. Be aware. Don't let them do that to you.
Reply Retweet Like
FirmWarez Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
Is it always obfuscated motives or could it just be creepy networking?
Reply Retweet Like
Tarah M. Wheeler Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
Each of those people didn't want me to give them a quick answer to their question (join advisory board, take a job, schedule a meeting at a specific time) because that would have required them to spend thought and time on an email carefully crafting their request. 5/n
Reply Retweet Like
TypeThr3e Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
My favorite is the pre-meeting for the meeting.
Reply Retweet Like
Tarah M. Wheeler Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
They would have spent 20-30 minutes doing the research on whether I was the right person for the thing they wanted, figured out how to approach me, carefully checked their calendar for several alternatives, and written out an email. 6/n
Reply Retweet Like
Tarah M. Wheeler Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
Then, I'd have been able to answer them in 1-2 minutes of reading, answering their clear YES/NO question, and we'd have gone on with our day. Here's the math: they spend 30 minutes crafting a request to me and I spend 2 minutes answering them immediately. 30+2=32 minutes. 7/n
Reply Retweet Like
Tarah M. Wheeler Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
Instead, they request a 30 minute phone call with me because they want to "feel me out" and "pick my brain" on a topic instead of clearly asking what they wanted to ask to begin with. If I go through with it, that's 30 min from them + 30 min from me = 60 minutes. 8/n
Reply Retweet Like
Tarah M. Wheeler Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
Ah, but that's not the only cost, you see. It's not just that I've spent 28 additional minutes of my life. It's that they've got me on the phone so that it's harder for me to say no. Which means that what they're ACTUALLY doing is burdening me with emotional work. 9/n
Reply Retweet Like
Charles Tendell Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
Did you tell them this?
Reply Retweet Like
Tarah M. Wheeler Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
In practice, because I try to say no to things that don't add value to both my life and others, and because I am the best person to determine whether their request is a beneficial one, this means that if I'm going to turn them down, I now have homework after the call. 10/n
Reply Retweet Like
Tarah M. Wheeler Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
So we've collectively spent 60 minutes so far. Now, however, I have an additional followup email to write that emotionally manages them, thanks them for their time (!!! wtfomg), turns them down gently, and offers unspecified help in future to make up for disappointing them. 11/n
Reply Retweet Like
Tarah M. Wheeler Dec 14
Replying to @tarah
That email isn't just another 15 minutes of my life; it's emotionally difficult and painstaking, and it's emotional energy I now don't have for my husband, parents, friends, and colleagues. Now we're at 45 minutes of my time with unspecified future emotional work I can't do. 12/n
Reply Retweet Like