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ratthew
I'm in a band with my dog. He barks while I eat Cheetos. It's indie, you wouldn't get it. and I'm married.
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ratthew retweeted
Alex Jacob Sep 13
I spent way too much time putting together this video of Alex Trebek saying the word "genre," so now you have to RT it. Sorry, I don't make the rules
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ratthew Sep 10
Replying to @KimmyMonte @markhoppus
Or married. Dang.
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ratthew Sep 10
Replying to @KimmyMonte @markhoppus
Yours too?!
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ratthew Aug 28
I love it when my calculator app gets an update. Can't wait to see what that bitch can do now.
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ratthew Aug 28
More than 2 bald guys with sunglasses hanging out together is fucking terrifying for some reason.
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Casey James Salengo Aug 12
Ppl in NYC: I got sober bc I was feeling anxious and waking up groggy Ppl in my hometown: After my third DUI I stopped drinking on Mondays
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ratthew Aug 23
Please check out 's album "The Only Man Who Has Ever Had Sex" at Fucking hilarious.
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Busch Beer Aug 7
Rise and shine. It’s Busch Latte Season. (Sound on for optimal refreshment.)
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ratthew 4 Jul 12
Someone told me that they don't have the 4th of July in other countries. Seems kinda stupid to skip from the 3rd to the 5th, but whatever.
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ratthew Jun 10
If I find out that when I order take-out hibachi they don't do the onion volcano train whistle thing back in the kitchen I'm going to be so pissed.
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Busch Beer Jun 8
🎶 We'll be(er) there for youuuu 🎶
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ratthew May 23
Note to self: when someone tells you they're pregnant but says they aren't telling anyone yet, the correct response is not "I don't know anyone who would care".
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ratthew May 1
Yesterday the flood barrier in my hometown failed and my friend's brand new business took the brunt of the Mississippi River's wrath. It would be remiss of me to not pass this along. If you can, any help is appreciated. 💚
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ratthew May 1
Yesterday the flood barrier in my hometown failed and my friend's brand new business took the brunt of the Mississippi River's wrath. It would be remiss of me to not pass this along. If you can, any help is appreciated. 💚
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Busch Beer Mar 29
Iowa be like: ___________________ \ BUSCHHHHHH | / 🍺 🍺 \ \ 🌽 ) \ HHHHHHHHH / /______________ / \/
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ratthew Mar 19
Still mad at my mom for telling me that one of my toes was a little piggy that ate roast beef.
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ratthew Mar 15
Just remember - if you ever plan to break into my house, my idiot donut wearing dog will look at you until you leave. And you'll have to deal with that
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ratthew Mar 15
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARK!!!
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ratthew 14 Feb 12
Sending flowers to your significant other at work is a great way to tell all their coworkers that you used to have $60.
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pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” Feb 5
When you realise you left your wallet on the moon
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