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Carole Unter
Solipsist
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686
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Tweets
Carole Unter retweeted
(Liz)ardo Von Craterface 23h
Sorry I'm late you're lucky I'm here at all where's my coffee?
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Carole Unter Dec 12
If you're going to drive through the California desert in the dark, you should bring , E.G. Marshall and the CBS Radio Mystery Theater for company. I did.
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Carole Unter Dec 12
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Carole Unter Dec 11
To clarify, I didn’t say “Fuck you!”, the prosecco said, “Fuck you!” On the other hand, I’m the one putting it online, so never mind.
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Carole Unter Dec 10
When you can make the scary security guy break down in delighted belly laughs, it’s auspicious.
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Carole Unter Dec 8
Don't ask a middle-aged woman for hostess tips unless you've got a LOT of free time on your hands. He really should've known better.
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Carole Unter retweeted
Matt Oswalt Dec 6
idiot. you can buy a banana for half that price at Whole Foods
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Carole Unter retweeted
Dragaera Dec 6
I collected my thoughts. Someday, I hope to own them all.
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Carole Unter retweeted
Sarah J Dec 5
Practicing patience by experiencing time linearly
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Carole Unter Dec 5
Did you take what you thought was a shortcut at 3 in the afternoon then get caught in the sluggish exodus of an elementary school letting out? Well, neither did I. (Except I did.)
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Carole Unter Dec 5
Me: "Hello, it's nice to see you again." Little old lady, with exquisite grace: "Very well, thanks, how are you?" (In case you wanted to know what "poignant" means.)
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Carole Unter Dec 3
I just heard a Lawrence Welk joke! Of course, no one else laughed. Then again, it wasn’t funny.
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Carole Unter Nov 30
Pro tip: Just smile and wave back. Don't bother to figure out who they are and whether you really know them.
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Carole Unter retweeted
(Liz)ardo Von Craterface Nov 30
My company handbook is the Sun Tzu.
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Carole Unter Nov 29
That was nice. A plausible excuse makes me feel like you went to some effort.
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Carole Unter Nov 23
The plural of "ottoman" should be "ottomen" but it isn't. I just looked it up.
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Carole Unter Nov 23
By lunchtime, I'm almost willing to do a Snoopy impression. Shut up. I said "almost".
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Carole Unter retweeted
Jesse Klein Nov 22
In Alvin and the Chipmunks, Alvin wears a A on his shirt does that stand for "adulterer?”
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Carole Unter retweeted
ES Nov 22
“Why, thank me! But really, I shouldn’t have!” “I’m welcome. Of course I should have – I’m worth it!” My internal dialogue whenever a book I’ve ordered and forgotten I’ve ordered shows up in the mail.
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Carole Unter Nov 22
Replying to @randomover2
I’m impressed! Mine’s all eaten now. I’ll take a pic next Thursday.
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