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Mary Cain
Thanks I still get emotional reading your thread. For so long, I thought I was the problem. To me, the silence of others meant that pushing my body past it’s healthy limits was the only way. But I know we were all scared, and fear keeps us silent.
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Mary Cain Nov 8
Replying to @runmarycain
But I’m not afraid anymore. As recently as this summer, I still thought: “maybe if I rejoin the team, it’ll go back to how it was.” But we all come to face our demons in some way. For me, that was seeing my old team this last spring.
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Mary Cain Nov 8
Replying to @runmarycain
I wanted closure, wanted an apology for never helping me when I was cutting, and in my own, sad, never-fully healed heart, wanted Alberto to still take me back. I still loved him. Because when we let people emotionally break us, we crave more than anything their very approval.
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Mary Cain Nov 8
Replying to @runmarycain
So when he opened up about his struggles... I felt maybe we were going somewhere. I was cognizant that he pushed my own story of depression and my attempts to purge aside, but I thought his opening up could be a first step. But it wasn’t.
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Mary Cain Nov 8
Replying to @runmarycain
We quickly fell out of touch this summer, and that made the rose color glasses finally fall off. He didn’t care about me as a person; only as the product, the performer, the athlete. Then, after the USADA report dropped, I felt this quick and sudden sense of release.
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Mary Cain Nov 8
Replying to @runmarycain
No more wanting them to like me. No more needing their approval. I could finally look at the facts, read others stories, and face: THIS SYSTEM WAS NOT OK. I stand before you today because I am strong enough, wise enough, and brave enough. Please stand with me.
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Paula Quatromoni DSc RD Nov 8
Replying to @runmarycain @CamLevins
That’s a very honest and gracious reply . I pray that the athlete community galvanizes at this moment of tremendous opportunity to push forward to achieve change and accept nothing short of zero tolerance for this behavior and this kind of culture in sport.
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Barbara Pomeroy Nov 8
Replying to @runmarycain @CamLevins
Thank you, on behalf of every female athlete who has had their body weight criticized by an older male coach, myself included.
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Jake Tuber Nov 8
Replying to @runmarycain @CamLevins
Mary you rock.
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Kandie Nov 8
Replying to @runmarycain @CamLevins
You are strong and brave!!
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Joshua Echt Nov 9
Replying to @runmarycain @CamLevins
Don't get gaslighted! I used to work with domestic violence victims and the perpetrators will always try to gaslight or deflect their stories. <3 and peace!
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