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Allison Robicelli
Chef, bestselling author, humorist, “difficult” woman. No time for riffraff. Full of surprises.
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Allison Robicelli 6h
Replying to @hels @EatFellowHumans
I am bringing this up OnDemand the second ice dancing is over.
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Allison Robicelli 6h
Replying to @EatFellowHumans @hels
Is it possible to make good decisions once you are both naked and afraid.
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Allison Robicelli 6h
Replying to @EatFellowHumans @hels
Neighbor just texted me this: “Chick on naked and afraid is alone with mushroom head looking rock. She has no protien source. She finds a parrot head. She eats it. Now she is wondering why she is in pain.” I have a lot of questions about this errant parrot head.
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Allison Robicelli 7h
Replying to @EatFellowHumans @hels
I didn’t even think about the bugs. Thanks for that.
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Allison Robicelli 7h
Replying to @EatFellowHumans @hels
My neighbor was trying to get me into that show and I could think about was getting old leaves and those round spiky things that fall off trees all up in my lady business.
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Allison Robicelli 7h
Replying to @maxfalkowitz
But it TASTES like burning.
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Allison Robicelli 8h
Replying to @joleecohen
Every day of my fucking life.
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Allison Robicelli 8h
Replying to @shitfoodblogger
How many nemesises (nemesi?) do you have?
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Allison Robicelli 8h
Replying to @maxfalkowitz
Dude, the entire outer layer of lasagna noodles is toasty burnt perfection. STRONG CO-SIGN ON THIS.
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Allison Robicelli Feb 17
Replying to @porknwhiskey
What happens when someone slips and loses an eye on one of his nipples?
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Allison Robicelli Feb 17
This would have been the correct answer until Tonga had their topless flagbearer come out again and now there’s a new hypothermia standard set there.
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Allison Robicelli Feb 17
If the Winter Olympics had this they would sew razor blades into the ribbon and it would have had something to do with the Soviet Union.
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Allison Robicelli Feb 17
Replying to @robicellis
How do you even get into some of these sports? “Why yes, I’d love to grab that tiny sled and throw myself face first off a mountain”
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Allison Robicelli Feb 17
Are there any winter Olympic sports where you’re not constantly cheating death? Don’t say curling — placing stones on a sheet of ice is a fatal head injury waiting to happen.
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Allison Robicelli Feb 17
Replying to @tkretchmar
Booger is alt-Springsteen
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Allison Robicelli Feb 17
Replying to @tkretchmar
I always felt that crowd would have been more Springsteen than Devo.
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Allison Robicelli Feb 17
Replying to @harrisj
Last week my son said he doesn’t want kids so I shouldn’t expect grandkids, and I was like “that’s fine because the world is screwed and there will be no future for them anyway”.
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Allison Robicelli Feb 17
Replying to @harrisj
Clarify: they think Obama visiting Sandy Hook was a BAD thing?
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Allison Robicelli retweeted
ana marie cox Feb 16
Well, this should make a good split screen ad for someone.
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Allison Robicelli Feb 17
Great God in heaven do I love this take. 🔥🔥🔥
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