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pete
3,589
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204
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389
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Tweets
pete 48m
espn has the best golf coverage
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pete 3h
Replying to @michelleshapRD
wow this is the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me thank you so much for being nice on the internet it almost never happens
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pete 14h
two years ago my dad cancelled father’s day because he didn’t want to deal with any attention so don’t talk to me about any of your dads until they get to that level of dad.
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pete Jun 15
i’m watching the dead don’t die and vanessa hudgkins boyfriend is funny as hell another win for the blonds
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pete Jun 14
i’ll remember her as a dumb bitch
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pete Jun 14
no on: mid 20s white dudes with beards: before you say anything, button down no o: mid 20s white dudes with beards: its friday. a time to meet chicks. chicks love button down long sleeve shirts you would wear on casual friday at a bank n: mid 20s white dudes with beards: daps
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pete Jun 12
Replying to @DamianPisani
i don’t “would have loved it” i fucking love it now
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pete Jun 9
what are the other categories at the horse awards
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pete Jun 9
the funniest thing kanye ever did was rhyme “source awards” with “girl he had with him ass could have won the horse awards” the horse awards ill love kanye forever
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pete Jun 5
at work i was asked to make a two minute video starring matt damon and ben affleck encouraging peoplw to come to boston it was a dream come true i must have said dahlene 300 times
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pete Jun 3
“bone in ribeye was my nickname in college on saturday nights” what
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pete Jun 2
drake making a reference to someone abandoning their kid but thinking he’s winning is a perfect illustration of who drake is
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pete Jun 2
Replying to @lessavydav
to the tune of that song called working at the car wash: working at the piss wash
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pete Jun 1
when your homie shows you what you was up to last night
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pete May 31
owen wilson is wearing an alarming amount of makeup in wedding crashers
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pete May 31
Replying to @shamus_taylor
i actually do look like the best friend of the bad guy in a show about vampires set at a 1980s high school so for a second i thought it was me
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pete May 31
two coworkers passing each other in the hallway for the ninth time of the day
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pete May 29
every day is a good day to hate drake but one year ago today was an especially good day to be right 🤝
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pete May 29
Replying to @greenwood2325 @m_fly22
it definitely is
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pete May 29
Replying to @DamianPisani
thought for sure he was playing a the role of witness in a movie set in 91
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