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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@
PajamaStew
Alaska
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I have no senses but I must feel.
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8.887
Tweetovi
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600
Pratim
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2.158
Osobe koje vas prate
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Magic Realism Bot
@MagicRealismBot
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13 h |
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If you pay an angel in Idaho the sum of 3,800 dollars, it will destroy the children of earth.
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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@PajamaStew
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20 h |
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I am rarely flabbergasted, but today, reading those stupid tweets, I am absolutely flabbergasted.
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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@PajamaStew
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4. velj |
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Our cars refer to us as an "infection" and their mothers weep when we crash them into each other.
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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@PajamaStew
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4. velj |
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At 5:00 the calendar event announcing the start of my vacation triggers a giant vat of acid above my desk to tip over, instantly dissolving my body, my computer, my useless papers and worn-out chair, Kristen from HR on the 1st floor, and half of the soda machine in the lobby.
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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@PajamaStew
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4. velj |
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[Reading from Dream Analysts notes]
It says here that dreams about having gemstones for teeth reflect an internal desire to eat the rich.
[But the wealthy dream analyst is no longer here to confirm this interpretation]
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neality
@ctrlcreep
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4. velj |
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Planets have rings because they shed their skins. Saturn was once blue; one day again it will lose its decrepit golden coat, and reveal the sapphire surface of youth
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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@PajamaStew
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4. velj |
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[Dips a cup in a mountain stream and takes a long cool drink of UFO]
"Delicious."
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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@PajamaStew
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4. velj |
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I learned yesterday that the creators of Google debated naming it Backrub. Can you imagine? Instead of Googling, we would backrub them? We would Backrub car reviews and Mister Rogers? We would say things like, "I backrubbed myself this afternoon and found some disturbing things."
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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@PajamaStew
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3. velj |
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The best I can give you is Mortem ex Machina. We are fresh out of Deus.
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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@PajamaStew
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3. velj |
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The dentist hesitates as he stares into your open mouth. Instead of teeth, there are rows of glittering green, red, and blue gemstones.
"I'm afraid these are gonna have to come out," he says through his mask, eyes strangely fierce, drill already spinning in his raised hand.
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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@PajamaStew
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2. velj |
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That is beautiful.
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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@PajamaStew
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2. velj |
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Welcome, fellow human.
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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@PajamaStew
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2. velj |
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You assume the plane is landing, but instead it grabs a gigantic screaming rodent from a moonlit meadow and ascends into the trees.
"Food service will begin shortly," the captain announces, as if it is unrelated.
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Viktor Winetrout
@Cpin42
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31. sij |
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[yelling over club music] If there was a button that could end the world would you push it?
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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@PajamaStew
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29. sij |
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"Would you like to continue?" your phone asks, briefly reconnecting to the airplane's wireless inflight entertainment as it plummets in pieces through the night sky towards the ground.
"Yes, I would," you say, reaching out with your finger. But it is already too far away.
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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@PajamaStew
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29. sij |
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Crazy things must have a mind of their own.
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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@PajamaStew
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20. srp 2015. |
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We don't talk about Love Potions No.1 through 8, nor the amorous deformed human test subjects that had to be exterminated in the lab.
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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@PajamaStew
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28. sij |
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The next level of human evolution is "business" that sounds like an airhorn, so it covers up for itself.
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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@PajamaStew
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28. sij |
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These days, I only experience emotions with MY FISTS!
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The Man Who Sees Everything Twice 😑
@PajamaStew
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28. sij |
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{Weeping as I force myself to remember my first rejection of love}
Do you even lift, bro?
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