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Matthew Royer
Homer Simpson's stunt double
588
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53
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37
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Tweets
Matthew Royer retweeted
Covfefe Rock🇺🇸 Jun 29
[inventor of public restrooms] What if people were close enough to hold hands while they poop?
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Matthew Royer Mar 17
Replying to @mma0311
hahaha awesome.
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Matthew Royer retweeted
Obhan Mar 17
Yep, just finished episode 3 and Iron Fist is grand, don't know what was bothering the critics so much.
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Matthew Royer retweeted
Corey Simpson Mar 17
is pretty good. The dialogue could be better but it's entertaining. Recommended for sure if you're into the genre.
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Matthew Royer retweeted
Nick Offerman Nov 8
Dear America, Passions will run high 2nite Please take the high road & embrace ur fellow citizens no matter the outcome🇺🇸
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Matthew Royer retweeted
Norm Macdonald Nov 8
Writing books is a fine thing but when you write a novel and then they go and call it non-fiction that can break a guy's spirit.
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Matthew Royer retweeted
Bill Murray 23 Jun 16
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
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Matthew Royer retweeted
JasonLastname 9 Aug 16
I'll have the BLT, but hold the mayo. In your hand. Then wipe it on so it's warm.
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Matthew Royer retweeted
JasonLastname 9 Aug 16
[date night] Me: I'll just have water. Waiter: We only have milk products. Me: What? Cow: Huh?
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Matthew Royer retweeted
JasonLastname 7 Aug 16
You can usually tell the milk is spoiled when it only sits next to the white, free-range eggs.
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Matthew Royer retweeted
JasonLastname 4 Aug 16
do all whales make songs or only the depressed, self absorbed whales
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Matthew Royer retweeted
Philip DeFranco 9 Jun 16
Wow! The video at just passed 10 million views. Love seeing common sense/decency shared.
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Matthew Royer 31 Jan 16
- I think this couple watched The Jungle Book one too many times.
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Matthew Royer retweeted
Shower Thoughts 13 Jan 16
What if Harry Potter was dreaming for seven years because he ran headfirst into a wall at a train station?
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Matthew Royer retweeted
JasonLastname 12 Jan 16
Never fall into a Brad Pit, they're full of Brads.
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Matthew Royer retweeted
Ricky Gervais 12 Jan 16
Suggesting a joke about Caitlin Jenner is automatically transphobic is like suggesting a joke about Bill Cosby is automatically racist.
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Matthew Royer retweeted
alex 4 Nov 15
I don't like this Netflix feature where they automatically play the movie while your reading the description.
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Matthew Royer retweeted
alice 12 Nov 15
Netflix I don't appreciate you starting to play when I only want to read an alternate description :/ :/ ://
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Matthew Royer retweeted
Peter Fingler 21 Nov 15
. Give me an option, in every app, to disable auto playing of anything other than the next episode of a series.
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