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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷
MOTHERHOOD: The scariest HOOD we'll ever go through. Coffee, Swearing & ✞ Needed, WINE DESERVED
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
The Dad 22h
I'm at my most hypocritical when telling my kids they've had enough screen time
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Lurkin' Mom Aug 17
Before having children, test the limits of your sanity by spending three hours trying to navigate a youth sports sign up website.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Scary Mommy Aug 17
If you see a mom with a topknot and sunglasses, get outta the way. She’s in get shit done mode for real.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Abby Heugel Aug 17
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I'm trying to unlock it more than two times, I'm driving off without you.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
SpacedMom Aug 18
5yo: Does everyone in the world have kids? Me: No, some people decide they don’t want to have them. 5: I don’t want kids. Me: Why not? 5: They’re a lot of work. Me: Then why don’t you be less difficult for me? 5: Well, you decided to have kids.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Pregnant Chicken Aug 17
AKA your priorities are lined up just right 👍 via
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Mark Magark Aug 9
All the events in my Introverts Meet Up group keep getting canceled, which is fine.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 17
Replying to @mamacusses @Beagz and 4 others
Thank you!💗
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 17
If you’re looking for someone to start responding to one of your messages, get sidetracked, completely forget and the reply 3.5 weeks later, then I can be that friend.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 16
Mission Impossible, but it’s just me trying to finish a conversation with another adult when my kids are around.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Cydni Beer Aug 15
I thought it was raining so I just sat for a minute and enjoyed the sound until I realized it was just the pot of water I forgot I was boiling.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 15
Half the time I don’t even know where to put shit when decluttering, like do I throw it away now or put it back in the junk drawer for another 6 months and then throw it away, being an adult is exhilarating.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 15
Conforming is easy, staying uniquely you is so much more badass.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 14
Whenever I think I want another baby, I just picture a 3 year old shrieking like a barn owl because their sandwich is too “sandwichy” and I’m like nah, I’m good.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 13
Parenthood: Where your heart is full and your wallet is not.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 13
Shake things up at home today by changing your name from “Mom” to “You’re a badass” I’m not kidding. Can’t you hear it now? “You’re a badass!! Hey!!! You’re a badass, can I have a snack?! YOU’RE A BADASSSSS!!!!”🤩🤘🏻
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 10
Oh, so your toddler loved snacking on sliced bananas and cheese cubes today? Cool, cause tomorrow she’ll swipe that shit right off the high chair tray, while maintaining eye contact, at the nerve of you serving up some motherf**king banana slices & cubes of cheese, you monster.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 9
Our signature move is despising today whatever we specifically loved yesterday. - Toddlers
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
MyMomologue Aug 8
Would I ever run a marathon? I'm a parent. Every day is a fucking marathon.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 9
Hearing the legos being dumped out again is my birth control.
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