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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷
MOTHERHOOD: The scariest HOOD we'll ever go through. Coffee, Swearing & ✞ Needed, WINE DESERVED
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 24h
Practice self care. Do some yoga. Get a massage. Set your house on fire. Punch Carol in the face. Rob a bank. Hit up the Vegas strip & shoot fireball until u can’t remember your own name. Get arrested. Go to prison & finally get that “me time” you’ve been craving. Treat yo’ self
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Dec 16
Love these 😆👏🏻Thanks for including me 💖💖
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Dec 16
Well if that’s not the best plan ever 😆👏🏻🙌🏻
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Dec 15
La Croix is canned disappointment. Fight me.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Dec 15
That makes seven years in a row that I forgot to buy twist-ties at the grocery store.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Lauren Mullen Dec 13
The cool thing about having your kids super close in age is that once you think you're through a phase with the older one, the younger one is there to remind you that you were dumb enough to have your kids super close in age.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Dec 12
NEWLYWEDS: [cuddling] Husband: I love the way your face lights up when you laugh.. Me: I could spend eternity in your arms. VETERAN COUPLE: [shouting from the next room] Husband: Did you hear what I said? Me: No, I tuned you out when you started using your angry voice.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Dec 11
Replying to @IMomalogues
True af 😭😆💖
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Dec 11
Friend: I’m ready to be a mom, don’t you think? Me: Idk, are you prepared to have the words “BUTT-NUGGETS“ screamed repeatedly into your right eyeball while you try to clean urine out of your purse? F: *stares at me for 9 seconds without blinking* But why woul— M: NOT READY.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Dec 11
Listen, I don’t care if you say “Happy Holidays”, “Happy Hanukkah” “Happy Kwanzaa” or “Happy-Rosy-Cheeked-Jolly-Fat-Elf-Day”, just as long as you don’t give me any shit for saying “Merry Christmas”.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Healthy Living for Hot Messes Dec 10
My favorite Christmas tradition is to watch my kids annihilate all my ornaments one by one, as my left eye twitches to the tune of Mele Kalikimaka
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
The Real American Dadass Dec 10
Sometimes you might feel like no one’s there for you, but you know who’s always there for you? Laundry! Laundry will always be there for you.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
AsKateWouldHaveIt Dec 10
<Me, as a Food Blogger:> So today I’m baking Christmas cookies with my little munchkins! You’re gonna want to start with 5 Advil...
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Dec 10
Idk, I’m all about the spirit of giving, but if you gave me an assortment of loud birds, a bunch of leaping people and eight different ladies each milking their own cow for Christmas, then we need to think about getting you a hobby and maybe some therapy.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Dec 10
I’m sorry for the way you acted before I had my coffee.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Dec 9
“And if you love her, let her sleep in and take the kids for the day.” - Romans 32:1
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Dec 7
These tho😂😭 Thanks and for including me 💖💖💖
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Dec 7
Pinterest: “Here Are 25 Insanely Crafty Over The Top Elf On The Shelf Ideas” Me: *launching our elf across the room right before my kid walks in so it looks like he’s moved to a new spot* No thanks
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Dec 6
Replying to @jas_gab
😂😆 Fuck you VERYYY MUCHH✊🏻✊🏻
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Dec 6
Person seeing me with my 3 boys: “Awe, so cute, you should try for a girl too!” ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ [my uterus leaps from my body and sprints away so quickly you hear tire-like screeching] ⁣ ⁣ Me: Hahaha thanks, but probably no ⁣⁣
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