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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷
MOTHERHOOD: The scariest HOOD we'll ever go through. Coffee, Swearing & ✞ Needed, WINE DESERVED
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 3h
Replying to @booksandlists
😆👏🏻✊🏻
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 4h
Shoutout to everyone who bathed their child with baby wipes tonight instead of a bath ‘cause you were just too damn tired to deal with another thing. Y’all are my people.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 14h
Make it stop doo doo, doo doo doo 🦈🦈😭😭🤡🤡🔪🔪
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Oct 14
Them: “You can’t have your cake and eat it too” Me: [cake crumbs flying from my mouth] “WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, JANICE”
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Oct 10
Just cleaned my kitchen floor for the first time in a month using only my thumbnail and some baby wipes if anyone needs a housekeeping coach.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
The Dad Oct 9
I asked my son what he's learning in his karate class, to which he responded: “Not much, I just do it for kicks.” He’s my favorite now.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Sarcastic Mommy Oct 9
My son said that he was bored so I told him he could vacuum, dust or clean the kitchen & Oh! Look at that! He’s nowhere to be found.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
MyMomologue Oct 9
Let her sleep. For when she wakes, she’s a bit of a handful really, and that’s gonna be awesome when she’s older and taking on the world, but right now I’m tired and kinda need a break, so, don’t wake the baby.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Oct 9
Ran into an old friend the other day who said she’s concerned about how much coffee & wine I seem to be drinking after seeing my posts. She said "If you had to give one up, which would it be?" I said "WHAT?! NEITHER!!" We both had a good laugh & then I stabbed her in the neck.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Oct 8
Mama-tasking: When you try to multitask by doing 17 different things at once, but you effectively accomplish zero things because your kids are undoing all the other shit you've just accomplished.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Oct 8
5yo: Mommy, why haven’t you decorated more for Halloween? Me *gesturing to all the authentic cobwebs around the house* I have no idea what you’re talking about.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Oct 8
If you don’t have your shit together by the time you’re 35, then you’re off the hook.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Simon Holland Oct 7
We bought Advil instead of generic ibuprofen. Middle age is home to the saddest splurges ever.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Simon Holland Oct 7
Why would I pay for a haunted house when I can wake up to my kid silently standing by my bed at 5 AM.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Simon Holland Mar 20
“Don’t open an email from me, I’ve been hacked.” -Baby Boomers
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Oct 4
Replying to @auntmessy
One.. five... keeping track bores me 😁👻
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Oct 4
Dear children, loves of my life: You are the reason I wake up every morning. And the reason I need a drink every night.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Oct 4
A heated, extreme sports competition, but it’s just me trying to get everyone ready and out of the house on time in the morning.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Mommy Owl Oct 1
Them: What inspires you to get up every day and get out of bed? Me: My bladder mostly.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Jessie Oct 3
Me: After 10 years of parenting, I’ve become very good at carrying on a conversation with myself. Also me: Yes, I can see that.
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