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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷
MOTHERHOOD: The scariest HOOD we'll ever go through. ☕️, Swearing & Faith needed, WINE DESERVED 🤘🏻🍷
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 13h
Anyone else get annoyed when someone posts a random question on Facebook, like idk Bethany, probably just google that shit
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 13
Welcome to Parenthood: You buy your underwear from the same place you buy plungers now
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Marissa 🏳️‍🌈 Jun 12
My toddler was about to hit her head on a bar at the playground so I told her to duck and she quacked at me. And then hit her head.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 12
Imagine being patient enough to actually read the recipe back stories on Pinterest, instead of just scrolling directly to them.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 12
Replying to @DadandBuried
Gold!!🤣🤣
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 12
If you sit next to my family at a restaurant, congratulations, you’ve just won yourself a years worth of free birth control
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Sarcastic Mommy Jun 10
My friends are all planning exotic vacations & I’m over here like, “Let’s eat dinner outside tonight.”
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MyMomologue Jun 11
Me: *calls family meeting* Okay everybody, listen. When I say “Alright, that’s good” what I really mean is “Stop it now or I’m gonna lose my mind!” I just say “Alright, that’s good” because it sounds a lot nicer & I’m trying not to be scary. Does everyone understand the code now?
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 10
The key to successful parenting lies somewhere between firmly standing your ground and just giving way fewer fucks about 75% of the things.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 10
Replying to @sarcasticmommy4
All the damn time!👏🏻🤩
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 10
Brilliance 🤩👏🏻
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Sarcastic Mommy Jun 10
I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute when I have no intention of doing it whatsoever.
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Mommy Owl Jun 10
My kids were nagging me to buy them a treat at the pool, so I told them there was only broccoli ice cream available. Problem solved.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 9
Replying to @tweethappy2017
One of my faves!!😍🙌🏻
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 9
You know you’re a parent when “IT’S BEEN ONE OF THOSE DAYS” for 7 years.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 7
What I said: “Stop making that sound” What my kids heard: “Please keep making that sound, but do it louder and longer and with more enthusiasm”
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 5
Parenting in the summertime is a lot like going to a Nascar race. It’s obnoxiously loud. Everyone’s kinda dirty. People are always trying to get naked, and a brawl could break out at any moment. Someone’s always drunk... currently, I wish it was me.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 5
Ahhh, they’re finally playing nicely together and it’s quiet *sits down to enjoy the silence* Narrator: But at what cost? Little did she know that one twin was unrolling an entire toilet paper roll into the toilet, while the other was creating a crayola masterpiece on the wall
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 4
My go-to fitness move is to plan on going to the gym every day at a specific time, and then waiting until that time has passed so I can decide it’s too late and pour a glass of wine instead.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 4
Is my child screaming like that because he can’t get his shoes on, or because I just sawed off one of his legs? You can’t tell the difference.
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