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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷
MOTHERHOOD: The scariest HOOD we'll ever go through. Coffee, Swearing & ✞ Needed, WINE DESERVED
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Ramblin Mama Jun 16
What I say: "Don't hurt yourselves." What my kids hear: "You know what would be fun? A trip to the ER!"
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Lauren Mullen Jun 16
There is nothing like throwing away toys. I feel drunk with the power of one thousand mothers.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 16
Were cutt-off jean shorts back in the day actual labia decorations too or am I just old AF now?
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 16
“Well you know, it’s not true TRUE love unless you feel like stabbing each other at least once a day.” - me as a marriage counselor
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 16
Replying to @BabbleEditors
Thank you for sharing!💗
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Babble Jun 14
If only it lasted a tinyyy bit longer.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Karen Johnson Jun 14
5: Mom! Me: What? 5: Come here! Me: I’m cooking dinner. What is it? 5: No you HAVE to come here right now! Hurry! *runs upstairs, leaves dinner burning on stove Me: What? 5: Look how big the poop is that I just made.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 13
If you enjoy not being able to finish things like thoughts, meals or conversations with your spouse, then definitely give parenting a try.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 13
Replying to @MacgyveringM22
As in, a really terrible one
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 13
I am a mom, hear me roar — cause chances are it won’t be a snore. - me as a poet
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Ramblin Mama Jun 13
First week of summer break: Trips to the park, the beach, and the zoo Second week of summer break: The wi-fi is your mother now
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 13
😂😂
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 12
9 times out of 10 I believe boredom to be the fabulous prerequisite to creativity. As proven by the majority of my walls.
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AsKateWouldHaveIt Jun 12
I know breakups suck but have you ever remembered your sheets are in the washing machine when you’re ready for bed?
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Dad and Buried Jun 12
2yo: *high-pitched shrieking* Me: Do you want something to eat? 2yo: *high-pitched shrieking* M: Do you want to play cars? 2yo: *high-pitched shrieking* M: Do you want to read a story? 2yo: *high-pitched shrieking* M: Do you want me to punch the wall in futile rage?
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Mommy Thoughts Jun 12
If you haven't muttered, "What the ACTUAL fuck" under your breath at your kids then you're not me and I admire your restraint.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Valerie Jun 12
Walked by my son eating a yogurt while sitting on the toilet and my only thought was, "oh good, protein"
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 retweeted
Uncle Duke 6 Aug 14
Me: Ooh… This is a Kodak moment! Son: A what? Me: I want to get a Polaroid. Son: A what? Me: You sound like a broken record! Son: A WHAT?
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 12
Not to brag, but my twin toddlers know how to place the towel down and stomp on it just right so that it soaks up the all the urine they just left on the carpet.
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Jun 11
When you nodded and said yes to your kids while distracted and then realize that you promised them ice cream cake for dinner, a trip to Disney and a pet Tarantula.
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