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Louis C.K.
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Louis C.K. Nov 13
Party instructions: Walk in, eat as much as you can, walk out.
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Louis C.K. Nov 10
I am an awesome singer.... when no one is listening.
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Louis C.K. Nov 10
That annoying moment when you are walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
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Louis C.K. Nov 10
Everyone you meet has something to teach you.
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Louis C.K. Nov 9
Do you think you're better than me with your rock hard abs and your dynamite areolas?
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Louis C.K. Nov 9
Don't look back when you know you shouldn't. Don't stress over things that don't matter. Don't worry about thinks you can't control.
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Louis C.K. Nov 7
There are no mistakes in life, just lessons.
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Louis C.K. Nov 4
There is beauty in simplicity.
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Louis C.K. Nov 3
Successful people know the difference between patience & procrastination.
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Louis C.K. Nov 3
Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.
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Louis C.K. Nov 1
Good people do bad things. Learn to forgive and move on.
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Louis C.K. Nov 1
What you will allow is what will continue.
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Louis C.K. Nov 1
Don't be pushed around by your problems. Be led by your dreams.
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Louis C.K. Nov 1
Fear is what stops you... courage is what keeps you going.
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Louis C.K. Oct 30
Everyone you meet has something to teach you.
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Louis C.K. Oct 29
You have no idea how many times I've tried to tell you the truth through my jokes.
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Louis C.K. Oct 26
Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; A shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.
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Louis C.K. Oct 26
Life is all about ASS. You're either covering it, kicking it, kissing it, busting it or trying to get a piece of it.
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Louis C.K. Oct 26
A good woman will do 70 chores around the house: Cooking and 69.
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Louis C.K. Oct 26
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
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