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Alexis
the great value brand in human form | most likely to name her firstborn sufjan
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Tweets
Alexis Feb 16
Hire us to be your fake brides 🤙🏼
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Alexis Feb 10
I secretly took off work on Wednesday so I could surprise Sophie by picking her up at the airport, but she secretly changed her flight to Tuesday to surprise me a day early. And clearly nether of us kept our secrets.
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Alexis Feb 9
Replying to @sophiebrinkley2
This is beautiful
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Alexis Feb 8
Honestly the fakest thing about Grey’s Anatomy is how many days they make Seattle seem clear and sunny
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Alexis Feb 4
“Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader” came to life today when an 11 year old in my soccer class schooled me in understanding the intricacies of the Iowa caucus. So anyway the answer is “no”
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Alexis Feb 2
My Instagram feed is literally only the Queer Eye guys doing extremely low-tier advertisements
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Alexis Jan 29
Happy 6 More Months of Health Insurance Day to me and ‼️
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Alexis Jan 24
Replying to @laurabellyeah
AND an intermittent faster 😤
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Alexis Jan 23
Imagine the disappointment I felt when I found out that my intern at work is a YoungLife leader 😩
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Alexis Jan 19
Replying to @crea_ni
Rude that inconsistent supplement taking doesn’t heal us!!!!!
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Alexis Jan 18
Contrary to popular belief, there are actually only two seasons of the year: blundstone season and birkenstock season. I will not be taking any further questions.
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Alexis Jan 16
Replying to @Tshaw011
HAHA THIS IS KID STUFF
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Alexis Jan 13
Can I call in sick to work on account of Being Sad™️ that my relationship is now bicoastal?
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Alexis Jan 9
Ok damn, , I’m jetlagged as hell gimme a lil break
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Alexis Jan 7
A girl said something rude about me and Sophie on the plane, so we threw a peanut at her when she was sleeping and THAT is my energy for 2020 !!
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Alexis Jan 7
Replying to @thekatiemcneil
We think the brother but honestly WHO KNOWS
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Alexis Jan 7
The faces of the 2 gals who traveled through Sweden and Norway and listened to 9 JonBenét Ramsey podcasts along the way
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Alexis Dec 31
There is legitimately a cafe in Stockholm called My Vegina and I can’t stop thinking about the employees saying “welcome to My Vegina” when a customer walks in
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Alexis Dec 25
Replying to @andronandez
Too generous tbh
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Alexis Dec 25
Can’t help but wonder if I’m being pitied by the hotel concierge as she upgrades me to the penthouse suite upon my solo check in on Christmas night in New York City, but hey bring on the pity!!!!!!
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