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Julianne Vantland
writing on the intersection of an evolving faith, mental health, and parenting
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Julianne Vantland May 20
Replying to @propheticimagin
I really appreciate you exploring all of this. It’s something I’ve long known is evil, I can feel it’s destructive power in my bones, but it’s often hard to articulate exactly what it is. We lived a mile from Focus headquarters were totally immersed in their alternate reality.
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Julianne Vantland May 20
Replying to @leslie_verner
Always. I love them. Especially when they’re written by another author who is smitten with the writer. It just builds excitement for the book!
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Julianne Vantland May 20
Replying to @propheticimagin
On a lighter note I laughed really hard at the fountain pen analogy. I always wondered what Whit did in the imagination station after business hours.
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Julianne Vantland May 20
Replying to @propheticimagin
100% why my parents became foster parents. My adopted sister (now a teen) has BPD and my mom has been calling her “degenerate” for several years to absolve herself of the responsibility of her soul. It’s so sad. And evil.
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Julianne Vantland May 20
"It’s my theory that those who are the most sincere in their faith are also the most likely to faith-shift." <3 Feeling so seen in this piece. Thank you
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Julianne Vantland May 20
"What's unspoken but pervasive in Reformed churches is that when people stray from the sanctioned beliefs and behaviors of our tradition, the story that gets whispered behind their backs is 'well, they were probably never truly saved to begin with.'" -
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Julianne Vantland May 19
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Julianne Vantland May 18
Replying to @HalleyWKim
“My rapes”?!?
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Julianne Vantland May 18
Yeah, I get that. Trying to build an audience while also maintaining some chill is hard. Am I writing for me? For my “ideal reader”? Are there a few thousand people like me out there who want to read this stuff? How do I find them? Cue despair. Despair is great writing fuel. ;)
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Julianne Vantland May 18
Replying to @cindy_w_brandt
I do. Usually 2-3x/month. I’ve got a tiny readership but I’m committed to keeping old school blogging alive. I miss reading everybody’s long form writing.
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Julianne Vantland May 18
Replying to @ParentSpiritual
Brutal. Hopefully a solid night tonight?
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Julianne Vantland May 18
Replying to @JanaTigchelaar
Thanks, Jana. You went to TCC, right? I would be curious to hear what the culture was like when you were there.
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Julianne Vantland May 17
Replying to @jvantland
He’s a lawyer now. I bet he’s really good at it. I bet he’ll be a judge someday. I’m still trying to make my mouth form the sentence “I was sexually assaulted.”
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Julianne Vantland May 17
Replying to @jvantland
I wonder how many other girls were assaulted or raped during school sanctioned “visiting hours”. How many of them, like me, stayed silent because we were taught we were the problem, the cause of our assault, that we must protect the male reputation above all.
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Julianne Vantland May 17
Replying to @jvantland
And now I can’t stop thinking about the hefty student code of conduct we were required to live by, the visiting hours that prevented opposite sex visits during certain days and times, the claims about sexual purity and god honoring marriage.
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Julianne Vantland May 17
Replying to @jvantland
For months I prayed fervently that he would come back to me, believing God could “heal us” and forgive us for “our” sin. After years of awful object lessons teaching me how dirty my now tainted body was, I couldn’t imagine how I could be wanted or loved by anyone else.
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Julianne Vantland May 17
Replying to @jvantland
Within two months he was with another girl and did the exact same thing to her. We compared notes a few years later. I feel so grateful that we both got out. No small miracle because purity culture groomed me to submit and I was 100% ready to marry him. Even after everything.
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Julianne Vantland May 17
Replying to @jvantland
All the while, I stayed silent because I was so ashamed and felt responsible for what “we” had done together.
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Julianne Vantland May 17
Replying to @jvantland
He continued to enjoy the praise of his peers and professors, worked with a youth group, was nominated for and won a statewide civic character award, and campus leadership continued granting him increased positions of influence.
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Julianne Vantland May 17
Replying to @jvantland
After another few weeks of alternating physical and verbal coercion with stonewalling, he broke it off because “god told me to”. Conveniently for him, god also told him I couldn’t go to our church anymore, eat lunch with our friends, or attend campus events in “his” dorm.
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