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John Moe
Host of The Hilarious World of Depression - . Writer of books. Hoster of other shows. Rock singer.
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John Moe 1h
Damn. I placed so many bets.
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John Moe 1h
Replying to @johnmoe
It’s 8:30 and I’ve already put puppets in their place. Gonna be a good Monday.
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John Moe 1h
Hey puppets! Stop collapsing at the waist when you’re embarrassed. No one does that. You look ridiculous.
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John Moe 1h
Replying to @NinjitsuPrincss
It was the only in-person encounter we ever had.
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John Moe 2h
Replying to @johnmoe
(this really did happen)
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John Moe 2h
Jeff Bezos put a hula skirt on me at a party once but I got no quarrel with his postal rates.
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John Moe retweeted
Michael Pielocik 2h
Jordan: mom and dad, I know my birthday is coming up, but I’m at an age now where any slight misstep in navigating the precarious social mores of adolescence could mean social exile. Promise me you won’t do anything embarrassing. Mom and dad:
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John Moe 16h
Replying to @johnmoe
(and leaves the parentheses that way because who cares)(
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John Moe 16h
Hmm let’s see what’s happening on the ol’ Twitte— AUGHHPEOPLEWHOAREMEANORSTUPIDORANGRYORALLTHR— (moves to cave forever(
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John Moe 17h
So they made an Empire to try to make all the spooky magic be evil spooky magic and not nice spooky magic? Okay. Seems like such a hassle though. Uniform design alone must have taken forever.
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John Moe 18h
Yeah but to what end? To boss people around? To collect taxes in order to buy... nice houses... for themselves?
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John Moe 18h
I will regret asking this but why did the Empire want to rule everyone and work so hard to do so? For land? Seemed like there was plenty. Money? To buy what? And was there a comprehensive monetary system? Power? Just seemed like a lot of hassle.
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John Moe 20h
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John Moe retweeted
Christopher Altes 21h
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John Moe 21h
Found at antique store: an early Paul Simon draft
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John Moe 22h
Replying to @johnmoe
The cat can get up on the counter. Junebug cannot because Junebug is a dog. The cat bats food off the counter for Junebug to enjoy. They are friends.
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John Moe 22h
Today I met a dog named Junebug. She lives with a cat. Junebug lightly bites the cat’s tale and the cat screams in melodramatic fake pain. Then they get treats. It’s their act and it’s always rewarded.
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John Moe 22h
I can imagine cable news books people who they know will say stuff like this because it’s good ratings but in doing so they neglect the duty to inform viewers and they make people dumber and meaner.
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John Moe retweeted
McKay Smith May 19
1) As a young man, Jakob W. was a guard at Auschwitz. Charges against him were dropped in 2014, but not before he was interviewed by SPIEGEL. In an ensuing article, he vividly described what it was like to be a cog in the Nazis' horrific killing machine.
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John Moe 24h
I have many questions. 1. An? 2. Come and get what? Killed? 3. Why is Pig happy? 4. Is the restaurant run by a rooster? A murderous rooster? A murderooster? 5. Is this art meant to heighten appetites?
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