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TLP British Jokes
The Laughing Policeman is dedicated to British , , , and . Our tagline is 'Simply Humour With You!'
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TLP British Jokes Aug 29
What do you get if you cross a motorway with a wheelbarrow? Run over.
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TLP British Jokes Aug 25
I've just invented a three barrelled . I'm going to call it a .
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TLP British Jokes Jul 14
A new licensed pâté is to be launched in next week, endorsed by the Family Archive. In a Tweet, Tesco announced “Start spreading the .”
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TLP British Jokes Jul 9
Yesterday, my secretary asked if she could use my dictaphone. I said “No. Use your finger like anyone else.”
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TLP British Jokes Jun 25
Day 94 of the UK coronavirus lockdown and social distancing policy. Chinese Burns, our local oriental restaurant is developing plans to reopen on July 4th. My wife asked if she should book a table. I said “No” as I think it’s too soon. But she twisted my arm.
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TLP British Jokes Jun 11
Day 81 of the UK coronavirus lockdown and social distancing policy. I have been alert for 33 days. In other news. It’s been reported that thousands of our feathered friends will be flocking in and then marching to tomorrow in .
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TLP British Jokes Jun 6
Day 75 of the UK coronavirus lockdown and social distancing policy. I have been alert for 27 days. I’ve just read the are releasing a documentary about people who camped in their garden during lockdown. It’s directed by Tentin Quarantino.
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TLP British Jokes May 28
Day 66 of the UK coronavirus lockdown and social distancing policy. I have been alert for 18 days. A well respected local carpet fitter died yesterday from Covid-19. He had underlaying problems. His funeral will take place in his home town of Axminster next week. RIP Walter Wall.
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TLP British Jokes May 25
Day 64 of the UK and policy. I have been for 16 days. Local John Johnstone has been for his of offering free repairs for during the . John said “It’s on the house.”
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TLP British Jokes May 22
Day 61 of the UK and social distancing policy. I have been alert for 13 days. In this morning’s news, ministers at are reconfiguring the ‘track and trace’ app in an effort to locate
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TLP British Jokes May 22
Day 60 of the UK coronavirus lockdown and social distancing policy. I have been alert for 12 days. English musician and singer-songwriter Joe Jackson continues to flout lockdown rules by Steppin’ Out.
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TLP British Jokes May 20
Day 59 of the UK and social distancing policy. With the still mandating no unnecessary air , I finally got around to telling my that there will be no this . I’m now dealing with .
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TLP British Jokes May 19
Day 57 of the UK coronavirus lockdown and social distancing policy. It is Alert Day 9.I was chatting to my neighbour Janice yesterday. I told her that the guy at number 27 died of Covid-19 on Sunday. She exclaimed “Who, Ray?” I replied “That’s not very nice.”
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TLP British Jokes May 17
Day 55 of the UK coronavirus lockdown and social distancing policy. I have been alert for 7 days. A police officer just knocked on my door. He told me my dogs are chasing those who are exercising on bikes. “That’s ridiculous.” I said. “My dogs don’t even own bikes.”
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TLP British Jokes May 15
Day 53 of the UK and social distancing policy. Public service . Remember. If you wear a to work, your won’t smell the on your breath.
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TLP British Jokes May 14
Day 52 of the UK and social distancing policy. With all the hype, our is diversifying into home made too.
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TLP British Jokes May 12
Day 51 of the UK coronavirus lockdown and social distancing policy. Our neighbours Jack and Diane remain confused about face mask usage in more ways than one.
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TLP British Jokes May 11
Day 50 of the UK coronavirus lockdown and social distancing policy. An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walk into a pub. Those were the days.
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TLP British Jokes May 9
Day 48 of the UK coronavirus lockdown and social distancing policy. I fancied a Chinese takeaway last night. I phoned to place an order and the man said they were closed on wok down.
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TLP British Jokes May 9
Day 47 of the UK coronavirus lockdown and social distancing policy. For some unknown reason, my wife was juggling with our last packet of stockpiled pasta. I had no idea why, but then the penne dropped.
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