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Sarah
324
Tweets
366
Following
53
Followers
Tweets
Sarah Jan 15
Things I did in my dream last night: saved a man from drowning, realized I hadn’t put on mascara before a meeting and ran around screaming “fuck fuck fuck”
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Sarah Jan 13
Sometimes it takes leaving your phone in the back of a lyft and spending the whole day trying to get it back to realize what really matters: your phone
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Sarah Jan 12
Replying to @cmasonwells
Have to? Get to!
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Sarah Jan 10
Not texting someone is the same as texting someone is how I feel after a bottle of wine
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Sarah Jan 8
Every time I go out of town I come home shocked by the mess of my apartment and convinced that someone broke in and left piles of dirty underwear on the floor and an uncapped tube of toothpaste by the kitchen sink before I remember it was me I chose to live like this
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Sarah Jan 6
Eating cold pizza in bed in a motel room in a depressed American city while yelling at the tv is really me at my best I think
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Sarah Jan 6
Overheard at the bar in Scranton, PA: “I’ve never been to Denver, like never”
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Sarah Jan 2
The beginning of 2019 sure does feel a lot like the end of 2018
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Sarah Jan 2
Rose is a nickname my friends call me and this is exactly how they talk to me including the scream
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Sarah Dec 31
2018 might be over but the open tabs of stories from 2016 that I haven’t read yet will remain open
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Sarah Dec 30
Replying to @MisterAce12
Deal
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Sarah Dec 30
Replying to @MisterAce12
In 2019 I resolve not to get married or divorced and also to brush my teeth more
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Sarah Dec 30
Just received a note from my lawyer telling me the court granted me a divorce 39 days ago really makes me wonder what else has been happening in my life that I’m totally unaware of
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Sarah Dec 25
Got my period a full week early what a classic christmas prank
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Sarah Dec 24
Just spent 90 minutes unclogging my bathtub drain sometimes you ruin christmas and sometimes christmas ruins you
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Sarah Dec 22
Even tho I’m jewish it’s 2 days til christmas which means I’m wondering if anyone is gonna get me any presents I love to get hyped for disappointment
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Sarah Dec 22
Replying to @hitmansalki
I’m in a lyft in a semi abandoned parking garage so if I don’t make it out alive know that I loved you
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Sarah Dec 22
Date me I do both
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Sarah Dec 21
The Venmo feed is good you can see people going out for drinks and doing karaoke and also a married couple paying each other for seamless aka impending divorce
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Sarah Dec 19
One thing I’ve got going for me is zero nightmare before christmas tattoos
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