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Sarah
355
Tweets
390
Following
55
Followers
Tweets
Sarah Apr 19
On rare occasions the lyft driver and I are listening to the same music and 100% of the time it’s post malone
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Sarah Apr 11
Overheard at NYU: “I just really can’t see myself working hard”
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Sarah Mar 30
Replying to @fwhitman
I’m sorry mom
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Sarah Mar 30
I have been stood up TWICE in ONE DAY so fuck it I’m going to chipotle
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Sarah Mar 30
Just got stood up by my accountant am now a fully radicalized anarchist
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Sarah Mar 26
I am optimistic but not as optimistic as the man walking thru washington square park singing “we’re all gonna fuck tonight, we’re all gonna fuck tonight”
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Sarah Mar 22
Just got a spam call from a man named Marshall Mathers trying to sell me renewable energy or something so obviously I said mom’s spaghetti under my breath before asking him to remove me from his list
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Sarah Mar 21
Every brand is telling me to slay as though I’m not already always thinking about murder
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Sarah Mar 19
In theory I’m at the gym but in reality I’m drunk
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Sarah Mar 19
At minute 43/45 I got mad at my therapist at minute 44/45 I realized I was mad at myself at minute 45/45 I had to walk crying past her next patient who I see every week yes I’d say I’m making great progress
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Sarah Mar 10
Top three things I don’t like: washing my hair, running out of hot sauce, being forced to confront reality
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Sarah Mar 9
Porn hub next door
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Sarah Mar 8
Friday night time to get stoned brush my teeth for 20 minutes forget I brushed my teeth and eat quesadillas
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Sarah Mar 7
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Sarah Mar 6
Tonight a woman leaving a bar upstreamed me while I was hailing a cab and I saw her getting out three blocks down the street at another bar instantly turning my annoyance into admiration
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Sarah Feb 27
Someone in my office saw me holding a box of granola and assumed I was going to dump it in my purse to take home with me so yeah I have the respect of my colleagues
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Sarah Feb 27
Every day I worry this is what my friends say about me behind my back like verbatim
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Sarah Feb 26
Proud to report that after getting my period ~263 times I have learned nothing about my body and am still ruining my sheets
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Sarah Feb 23
If we spend more than 40 minutes together my farts will 100% smell like you
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Sarah Feb 20
Very excited to find out if getting high and cutting my own hair will cure my cold!
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