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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Latest on The Desert Assassin ops: I’m rewriting the Boring Policies page on my website. I still don’t have a better name for it, we will see if one arises. And I don’t know that I have anything substantially different to convey than I did in say, 2009.
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
But websites are like houses, rooms become dusty or disharmonious, something is incongruent or feels off and then you find yourself not wanting to visit that room.
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
My own disinclination to link to it shows me that it needs some dusting. Maybe the voice, the language, maybe the way I offer [the thing that I truly want to say that is mysteriously hard to convey].
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
Like everything: a work in progress, it’s not like there’s a point of “ta da, I have said everything I want to say perfectly and will never need to adjust again”. Everything changes. The truth in the words might still be the truth in the words but words come differently now.
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Havi Brooks
A few thoughts on this, let’s see if I can wrangle them: 1) my business exists because of LOVE, this is a difficult thing to explain to people who, for example, went to business school, even when I know more about business than they do, from 15 years of [verb]-ing a business.
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
1.5) My business is a SANCTUARY, for the people who need it, it also needs to be a sanctuary for *me*, because otherwise love is not in integrity if I exist as a glowing love source but forget to take care of my own inner spaces
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
2) Sanctuary is the prerequisite for transformation. Change that comes from Safety First, with a healthy respect for Safety First, is so much more workable and sustainable than the kind that’s like OKAY JUMP!
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
(Obviously the People Vary rule applies, and if forcing yourself to jump is *exciting* for you, do it in good health.) In my experience, the people who promote launching yourself face-first into change are people who get a high from that, sure, fine, just know thyself
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
3) But my work is strongly grounded in Safety First, creating safe conditions to explore, and in making changes from the edges.
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
I do not at all believe that the only way out is through. Sometimes we can invent amazingly creative over-and-under maneuvers, sometimes playing at the edges CHANGES THE CENTER, you can alter the entire landscape so that when you DO go through, it’s a different experience...
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
4) But either way we are dealing in wild self-treasuring and self-knowing and creating new experiences for how we interact with ourselves (and our selves!) and this is transformative by itself
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
5) Whenever you offer something that is Wildly Transformative or even the tiniest bit transformative (however much transformation a person can handle in a moment is impressive, a trillion sparklepoints to us for inviting change!), it’s gonna shake things up.
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
6) People will be excited (yay, change!) and then they invariably have their freakout meltdown, which is normal, natural and understandable. We all have our stuff, our habits + patterns, our tendencies and preferences, the status quo of fear and what-if, and internal criticism
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
The status quo of This Is My Stuff wants to maintain stasis, change is threatening. So we get excited about a change and then we don’t actually want to do it, or we sabotage or we flatline or we run away or something else comes up.
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
All normal + understandable. And if we have that level of self-awareness, we can be like, “Oh hey, doing that thing again where I run away from what I actually want, what am I noticing about this? What would help me have more of a sense of safety/stability here? What do I need?”
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
This is the point where people sign up for what you’re offering in whatever form, then they have their meltdown, they don’t have the awareness/tools to recognize it for what it is and take steps, so they want to back out.
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
Again, SO understandable. Change is scary! We just said yes to embarking on a something, and we don’t know where the voyage is taking us or who we will be on the other side. This is big identity stuff. Totally makes sense that we panic and want out.
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
When I first started the business in 2005, I just wanted to be NICE (this is my stuff, wanting to be “nice” is about wanting to be UNDERSTOOD and SEEN, have my loving intentions knows for what they are, to *not* be a business that just cares about numbers, blah, yes?)
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
So everyone would sign up for a thing (workshop, retreat, course, sessions with me, whatever) and then 90% of them would panic before it started or on the first day and want their money back
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
(and I was like, OH I HAVE TO BE NICE BECAUSE BEING NICE IS LOVE AND THIS IS ABOUT LOVE, and of course gave everyone their money back)
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
Which is fine (all timing right timing, all lessons learned in that timing), but ultimately it was an abdication of responsibility on my part to let everyone say their yes to a transformative experience within a container of safety, and then let them run away from their agreement
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
Eventually I picked up on some things: + everyone does this! + it’s a pattern that is boring and exhausting for everyone involved! + it’s not effective if we call in the voyage and then bail on the voyage + it’s really not helpful or loving when I let people run from their yes
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
Of course, life brings up extenuating cirucmastances and of course that’s understandable, my policy is not “no refunds ever, too bad” but once you see the pattern that lives inside of “ooh yes to transformation, oh fuck change is scary”, you can’t unsee it
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
In my ideal business (and this is mainly why I work almost exclusively with people who have been reading my work for a very long time and have their own personal practices), we all know what our shit is and how to work with whatever we’re going through
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
I have zero interest in being the teacher, the guru, the mommy, the person at the front of the room. I am a secret agent in the agency of Agency, I work with people who see themselves as my equal, agents in their own agency, we play as equals, we bring our skills + wisdom
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
But while we’re all training in this and working on it (because this is also a work in progress, and our culture strongly promotes putting other people on pedestals and thinking our own answers are external to us), we have to show up for the things we have yeses for.
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
How we show up might change, or our yeses might change, that’s fine! That makes sense. That’s a sign of being a human who is engaged in intentional dynamic process with yourself, good stuff.
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
Meanwhile, my job is to provide the sanctuary, the safe container for the voyage. And it doesn’t work if I spend all my time setting things up and then letting everyone run the second change gets uncomfortable.
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Havi Brooks 3 Jul 19
Replying to @havi
(Change always gets uncomfortable! That’s why we have sanctuary! That’s why we work with playful techniques and Safety First and metaphors and anagrams and whatever helps to make the work fun!)
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