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Mark Hamill May 15
Me: Wait a minute...If Luke is Princess Leia's brother, does that make me royalty? Carrie: (immediately w/ no hesitation) NO!!! Me: OK-relax! Just asking... (So began a yrs-long tease of mine) You sure? LORD Vader-QUEEN Amidala & I'm the only commoner? Carrie:😠 Me:🤣
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Amit Jeswani May 17
One common trait in 90% of the wealthy i meet is that they all wake up before 6 am !
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London Gardens 6h
: remember that time Ali G was a dead ringer for Lord Snooty
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jinksto May 19
Engineer: Biometrics are less secure than passphrases. Iris scans can be stolen from photos. Fingerprints picked up from anywhere Business: And subcutaneous vein scans? Engineer: Thumbs aren't permanently attached - Uncomfortable Silence - Me: Moving on...
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The Entire GOP Is A Cancer To My Country 12m
Replying to @ShelbyKStewart
He always has photos where he looks like his mom just walked in on him fucking a turtle
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Rebeka Kiss 17h
Ooor when someone says I shouldn’t go to by myself to see lololololol
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The Tie Daily 2h
Remember that you can never be overdressed when wearing a tie 👔😂
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Katie Fennell 4h
“If you love Comic Sans, you don’t know anything about typography. If you hate Comic Sans, you don’t know anything about typography.” - Inventor of Comic Sans
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Faraz Ali 12h
Irony is people showing (insaan)iyat more to a dog than human (insaan).😂
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Amanda von Iwanowski 18h
Still the best looking phone for real
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DUCCI LO🎙 5h
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Steph McGovern May 16
So Conrad Black, the former media baron, has been pardoned by Trump. I’m still waiting for an apology from his wife after she called me a ‘slag’ when I was covering his trial in Chicago. 🤣
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Arblin 6h
When I had my glo in year 10, the first girl I ever moved to on snap threw a hint at me and said “I wanna get an Albanian boy and ghost” I was bare confused with the term as it was my first time hearing it and said “what does that mean” 😂😂😂🤦‍♂️
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H-Town Everythang 14m
B4 she kicked me to the curb for Adam. 😭😭😭
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Curious Case Of 17h
D.B. Cooper jumped out of a plane with $200,000 (around $1,240,000 today). It took 8 years before any of the money was found and only $5,800 was recovered.
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Jessie Menchaca 15m
..fair is fair right... i bust his lip.
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Will Martin 6h
Stop being the "go to person" for people you can't go to.
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Peter Stetina May 20
you missed the part where I realize it isn't Oatmeal Raisin and sit on it
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ਐੰਜੇਲਾ ✊🏽 Small but Mighty 3h
Replying to @SirCoachWhite
Oh well...they almost fear me too - all 5 feet of me!
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Bridget Lee Walters 5h
Replying to @Melski1 @Bud_Doggin
🤔 Who’s definition are we using? The 1828 version was more definitive
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