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jiffylube Sep 14
Thought that she was going to bring a saddle for free mustache rides. Turns out she’s my aunt haha. Thought that was my slam peice lmao
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Brooklynn Dean Sep 8
When someone’s like, “Remember being a teenager and sneaking out to go drinking and have sex?” and you’re like, “No, I was a weirdo goth loner hermit who enjoyed staying at home and reading.”
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CID West Midlands Sep 12
When one of your Police Constables conduct house to house enquiries and members of the public ring up to say the Bogus Officials are back in the area......... how does it go Seriously, joke aside well done to the public. Keep vigilant and ring us if concerned 👍🏻
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Cimarron Ranch 16h
My Uncle Fred said things got weirdly quiet after my Aunt Fanny saw a friend at the back of the grocery checkout line and yelled over "You're still alive?!?! I don't hear your address dispatched over my Police scanner as often anymore!"
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Fi  🍃🌼🍃 Sep 12
Every time!!! 🙄😂🐾
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Shane Sep 14
To the person I awkward waved to: Please do not put out a restraining order. I now know you were waving to the person behind me.
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Harold Little Sep 12
I’m in this kinda dive pool hall in Chattanooga, TN getting some wings . I’m the only “POC” here and they’re playing uncensored 2Chains and lil Wayne.
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Dear Connie Lee 12h
That awkward moment when you walk into a maternity clothing store with an expecting friend who has a tiny bump under her loose dress and a sales associate asks which one of us is expecting...
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pooprelates Sep 14
that moment when you’re minding your business and out of no where you feel a turd make its way through your rectum and peep its head out your anus..
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Sillypixi89 10h
Has anyone ever ended a call with someone & then called them back straight afterwards without realising. That happened to me tonight. She accepted the call without me know & I was talking about the conversation we had just had with my husband.
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PC Rob Stevens Sep 12
Sorry, random tweet of the day moment in the lift/elevator 😂😂😂
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Matt Sep 12
Just spent 10 minutes waiting in an office for a pickup. "this summers going to hurt like a mother fucker" was on repeat
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Kelli ~ with an i 🇨🇦 Sep 11
I’m going to a nursing conference in wine country and my colleagues are all so excited about wine tours...none of them know I’m sober and I don’t want to tell them...I’m not close to the ones going
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randomthoughts 9h
do you ever just sit in your room and remember an awkward moment and cringe so hard, bc same
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Shitty Compliments Sep 14
You're even silences aren't even.
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Orinico Queer 3h
Watching tv w my mom and they're talking abt weed and I'm sitting here trying not to say what's incorrect about all the things they're saying...
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Bindu Poudel Sep 14
That moment when you kid asks what a mad scientist is! 😬😬😬
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FugetSudo Sep 14
"Caught you talkin' Sh*T!?! … I Thought we were Friends, Larry!!" 😏
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HOB Sep 14
Drew landers just said he loved me
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Katie Sep 14
Did the little “which way are you going” dance with someone at this morning. Instead of laughing, saying excuse me or letting them pass, I proceeded to actually do a little side step dance while going “ohh... ooo.. ahhh... whoopsie.”
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