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Elspeth Wright
Writer, novice comedian, even more novice Etsy seller.
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Elspeth Wright retweeted
Evil-Lyn Manuel Miranda 3h
Gmorning When the dog bites When the bee stings When you’re feeling sad... Get the bite checked out by a medical professional, Find and remove the stinger, LEAVE THE BEE DOG PARK. (You not being stung & bitten is one of MY favorite things, let’s go)
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Elspeth Wright retweeted
Aparna Nancherla 14h
fall is my favorite time of year to end conversations by blowing pumpkin spice into people’s faces & saying “who’s the hufflepuff now, fool”
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Elspeth Wright retweeted
Brittany Van Horne 22h
The person who saw breadsticks lightly sprinkled with parmesan and decided to name them “Crazy Bread” was a truly dramatic bitch and I respect their work
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Elspeth Wright retweeted
the library haunter 🦉🎃 23h
saying you were a c-section baby: • boring • conversation-killer saying “I was from my mother’s womb untimely ripp’d”: • dramatic • metal as hell • can defeat Macbeth in single combat, as the prophecy foretold
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Elspeth Wright 15h
I like guys who keep me guessing. Is he cheating on me? Is he gaslighting me or am I crazy? You know, cute little things like that.
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Elspeth Wright Oct 13
I’m not saying I’m high-maintenance, but last night I had a dream that I had to wear sweatpants in public and I woke up in a cold sweat.
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Elspeth Wright retweeted
Tig Notaro Oct 9
i once dated a guy who said female privilege existed because "women got on the lifeboats first on the Titanic." long story short he drowned
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Elspeth Wright retweeted
Comedy Nest Oct 8
Tonight Newbie Tuesday with not-so-newbie guests and more! 8pm (to 9:30), $5 tix:
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Elspeth Wright Oct 4
For the past few weeks my apartment has smelled like burnt toast, this makes no sense because I do not live on Dr.Penfield Avenue.
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Elspeth Wright retweeted
Beans After Dark Oct 4
damn girl are you from tennessee? yeah? that’s weird cuz you’re like a 6 lol
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Elspeth Wright retweeted
Tig Notaro Oct 1
Don't understand Southerners who dislike non-binary pronouns when they invented a great one: "y'all."
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Elspeth Wright retweeted
The Great Depresh HBO Streaming Now Sep 30
275) Try standup at least once. Getting laughs from strangers is the most exhilarating thing I’ve ever done and I’ve dunked hundreds of basketballs. Write down your funny ideas for a few months and then find an open mic. If you already do it be GRATEFUL.
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Elspeth Wright Sep 27
At the end of the day aren’t we all just 22 year olds, pretending to be Ukrainian children?
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Elspeth Wright Sep 27
How pale am I? Well, last night someone couldn’t see me because I was sitting under a very bright light.
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Elspeth Wright retweeted
Tig Notaro Sep 25
I'm a serial monogamist, which is like being a serial killer, except I'm killing one person slowly, over several years.
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Elspeth Wright Sep 22
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Elspeth Wright Sep 22
Replying to @AaamerRez
How dare you crush my dreams this way?!?
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Elspeth Wright retweeted
Travis McElroy, The Internet's Best Friend Sep 21
Hey, I think you are great. Just wanted you to know!
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Elspeth Wright Sep 21
I am “sneezing makes my back hurt” years old.
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Elspeth Wright retweeted
Alo Azimov Sep 19
Please tune in 1 hour/noon into : for The 1 year anniversary of Achievement Unlocked Kudos!!! Thank you & my guests & for providing music: a song from your EP!!! Thank you everyone who got us here!!!
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