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Dad Fiction
2 separate dads, with distinctly different personalities, who co-host a Podcast about parenting and drink whiskey, weekly.
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Dad Fiction 7h
17: You ever kill a spider, then wonder if its family saw the whole thing? Years later you're bitten savagely by an impossibly large number of spiders, and then you remember... "I started this"? Me: Goddamn it! It's 5:30 in the morning. 17: Sooo? Is that a? Me: Yes. I have.
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Dad Fiction 6h
Replying to @afiercemind
It's pizza and whiskey...
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Dad Fiction 6h
Replying to @wordfromamabird
Counting on it
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Dad Fiction 6h
Replying to @muz007
I have never been called daft. This is a historic day
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Dad Fiction 7h
17: You ever kill a spider, then wonder if its family saw the whole thing? Years later you're bitten savagely by an impossibly large number of spiders, and then you remember... "I started this"? Me: Goddamn it! It's 5:30 in the morning. 17: Sooo? Is that a? Me: Yes. I have.
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Dad Fiction 9h
Replying to @DadFiction
It was funny last night...and again this morning.
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Dad Fiction 9h
Replying to @jaxwax04
You complete me
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Dad Fiction 10h
Replying to @DadFiction
Bahahahahahaha... dick
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Dad Fiction retweeted
Mom Jeans 11h
Me: I’d like to book a massage please Her: Swedish or deep tissue Me: What’s the one where you just draw letters on my back and I have to guess them
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Dad Fiction 11h
I just order $85 worth of pizza...and now I want nachos.
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Dad Fiction 11h
Your math is scary...
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Dad Fiction 11h
Replying to @HerfordRita
I like this one
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Dad Fiction Jan 18
Replying to @WingQueen85
I appreciate the Devil wears prada reference
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Dad Fiction Jan 18
Replying to @ItsJustMum
Hahah I sat on the toilet quietly while she did bathtime. Left the house at 7.01pm
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Dad Fiction Jan 18
Replying to @ItsJustMum
What if you as a dad do bath and bed time by yourself 3/5 days during the week?
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Dad Fiction Jan 18
Question. If you tell your wife that you are leaving around 7pm to go hang out with your friends, can you leave at 6.47pm if you are ready to go?
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Dad Fiction Jan 16
I'm a little biased, considering my dad's a comic.
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Dad Fiction retweeted
Marcy G 🍕 Jan 15
Toddler: want water? Me: no thank you Toddler: want water!? Me: I don't! Toddler: *puts cup in my face* DO YOU WANT WATER? Me, scared: you know I am kinda thirsty *drinks pretend water*
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Dad Fiction Jan 15
My cat is smart enough to try and trick me into feeding him again. Dumb enough not to realize that I was the one who fed him. Smart enough to know I dont remember stuff.
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Dad Fiction retweeted
Mom Jeans Jan 15
Officer: we’ve got an armed robber on the loose Me: *whispers* he got legs too
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