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Dad and Buried
Yes, I'm miserable, but my kids aren't the problem, parenting is. Check out my podcast!
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Dad and Buried retweeted
clammy Feb 23
ten out of ten marriages where one partner is heavily into barstool sports end in divorce
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Dad and Buried 8h
Stopped at a restaurant and say a guy leave the bathroom without washing his hands. Don’t worry, I followed him to his car and got his license plate in case he launches Coronavirus.
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Dad and Buried 8h
Haha no worries. I’m no stranger to being misinterpreted on here. 😬😬😬 It’s all good.
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Dad and Buried retweeted
Rhea Seehorn Feb 26
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Dad and Buried retweeted
The Dad 14h
me: I stopped going to the gym him: why? me: because I've got kids him: they're older now, there's a daycare, couldn't you go if you really want to? me: I don't really want to
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Dad and Buried retweeted
Screen Slate 13h
I support Bernie Sanders because of his policy that any filmmaker who goes to SXSW and puts on a wireless headset mic and says "Why do we make movies? To tell stories." will have their trust fund seized.
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Dad and Buried retweeted
david cross✍ 13h
Let's just fill these press conferences with improvisers who can ask q's like, "mr. President what do the letters in 'flu' stand for" and, "you've mentioned this pandemic but could it be reduced to a cupdemic or even a teaspoondemic to reduce its impact" and sit back and enjoy
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Dad and Buried retweeted
Shafeeq Feb 26
why do baby clothes have pockets, who is going up to a baby and saying here hold this
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Dad and Buried retweeted
Summer Brennan 🌈 13h
"Warren has an almost supernatural ability to identify problems before anyone else, and to work relentlessly to solve them."
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Dad and Buried retweeted
Victoria Sofia 10 Feb 15
*sits alone with thoughts* *thoughts get up and sit somewhere else*
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Dad and Buried retweeted
FleurDeLea Nov 7
The best part about dating in your 40s is how much wine I get to drink while crying.
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Dad and Buried 13h
*2017-2020
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Dad and Buried retweeted
ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴏɴʏ™ Feb 26
I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS is trending, and I don't care what that's actually about...it's the perfect slogan for 2020.
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Dad and Buried retweeted
Lindsay Feb 24
Person: “Can I pet your service dog?” Me: “No, she’s working.” Service dog: *starts folding napkins and cleaning utensils*
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Dad and Buried 14h
*5 minutes before school bus comes* Me: Did you put your socks on? 9yo: No, because there’s not enough jam on my toast! Me:
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Dad and Buried 14h
Are you concerned your kids on making TikToks of themselves applying ChapStick? (Of course not, that's awesome!) I cover this and more in the latest episode of my podcast! Apple link below, Spotify link in bio!
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Dad and Buried retweeted
Darlin’ Darla 15 Dec 17
I have the impatience of a much busier person.
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Dad and Buried retweeted
MomofTeen 4 Nov 16
Customer Service: How does the name appear on your credit card? Me: If i had to guess, I'd say it's 11 pt. Arial bold.
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Dad and Buried retweeted
ho baby ;) Feb 22
[leaning into your casket] *you're
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Dad and Buried retweeted
MomofTeen 4 Aug 15
It's okay, little checkbook. I'm unbalanced too.
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