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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ
I do the stand-up and tweet stupid things. Member of and . I love food and air.
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ retweeted
Raspberry Jam Jul 2
Embarsssed to do this but I am struggling with a kid. Been years of craziness and one bad thing after another and then recently robbed.. plz if you could help.. will follow and chat greatly appreciated!!
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ 4h
I think it's a myth that we think about sex every sex seconds
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ retweeted
Dumb Beezie 4h
When I said I hate bees and received death threats
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ retweeted
David Hughes 27 Nov 16
[wins the lottery] Me [calls boss]: fuck you & fuck your shitty fucken job you piece of shit Wife: what about when the $60 is gone
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ retweeted
Michael Spicer 15h
the room next door - Boris Johnson Again
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ 5h
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ 6h
Replying to @joelycett
I read my microwave manual and now I ding when someone turns my knob
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ retweeted
elle 11h
every woman has an innate maternal instinct
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ 6h
Replying to @PescisPen
I thenk yow
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ retweeted
The News Dump 12h
Donald Trump denies being xenophobic and suggests anyone who is go back to Xenophobia
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ 11h
I want to be buried wrapped in new Β£50 notes sewn together. It'll be my Turing shroud
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ retweeted
Andy Parmo πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ί 22h
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ 12h
When Trump goes on holiday he calls it a caucation
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ retweeted
Damien Owens 12h
Donald Trump is what happens when a normal racist gets into a matter transporter with a fly and the fly is also a racist.
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ 12h
You don't get phone directories in phone boxes any more. I blame strongmen in the 70s.
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ retweeted
Oonagh 13h
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ 18h
Replying to @cjdemooi
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ retweeted
πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ Max πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ 18h
What to do if you don’t like cricket: β€’ don’t watch fucking cricket What not to do if you don’t like cricket: β€’ tell everyone who has just enjoyed the shit out of some cricket how boring it is like the worst kind of tedious cunt **Also works for other shit you don’t like**
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ retweeted
trouteyes 18h
Who on earth called it The Man with he Golden Gun and not The Talented Mr Nippley?
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Craig Deeley πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ΊπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ 18h
Siri, show me two things that aren't related
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