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Chase Mitchell
Formerly: Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. Currently: A constant state of fear and anxiety
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Chase Mitchell Feb 24
I think autocorrect changed "us" to U.S.
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Chase Mitchell Feb 23
The Weeknd is the "Sorry, we don't have Coke, is Pepsi okay?" of Michael Jacksons.
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Chase Mitchell Feb 23
Hitler wanted to paint, Steve Bannon wanted to be Lin-Manuel Miranda
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Chase Mitchell Feb 23
This is from the party that claims the Civil War was about states' rights
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Chase Mitchell Feb 23
I have eaten at enough Cracker Barrels to tell you it's much scarier to share a bathroom with Republicans.
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Chase Mitchell Feb 22
except for guns!
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Chase Mitchell Feb 22
"Paid protesters!" - the White House in 6 months, describing the mob on the south lawn with molotov cocktails and pitchforks
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Chase Mitchell Feb 20
sitting behind Geena Davis on this flight. You could really say this woman is in a... class all by herself
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Chase Mitchell Feb 20
I thought whatever you guys thought
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Chase Mitchell Feb 20
At an airport bar watching Rachel Ray repeatedly fold over a log of raw meat while a room full of moms clap
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Chase Mitchell Feb 20
I went yesterday with and was very relieved she said it out loud instead of me
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Chase Mitchell Feb 19
I am at my apt so this is what we call "punching sideways"
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Chase Mitchell Feb 19
hey patty just checking in, aren't you at a wedding in tampa
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Chase Mitchell Feb 19
this was harrowing
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Dave King Feb 19
bowling green. atlanta. sweden. how many people have to not die before we do nothing?
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Chase Mitchell Feb 19
since they deleted it...
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Chase Mitchell Feb 18
This character is drinking because her husband's head was blown off in front of her
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Chase Mitchell Feb 18
don't encourage this, dave
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Chase Mitchell Feb 18
Milo and POTUS. Is that something?
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Patton Oswalt Feb 17
Our government is running like a well-oiled Charlie Sheen.
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