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Chase Mitchell
Emmy-losing writer for The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.
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Chase Mitchell May 30
This thing is a nonstop fuck fest.
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Chase Mitchell May 29
"Luke, I am not legally permitted to imply we are related."
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Chase Mitchell May 28
Just saw a Lindt commercial where they described their chocolate as "cool, rich, and darkly intense," if u are looking for a good Tinder bio
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Chase Mitchell May 28
When Guy Fieri dies, they won't have to put the reason.
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Chase Mitchell retweeted
Dan Hopper May 28
What the hell was this person doing
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Chase Mitchell May 28
Weird. Weatherman just said highs today are in the upper 80s with a 90 percent chance "dem titties out."
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Chase Mitchell May 27
"Oh, uh, yeah. Dislodge food. That's what I was trying to do." - Henry Heimlich
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Chase Mitchell May 26
This photo looks like the world's most depressing Google doodle.
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Chase Mitchell May 22
Game Of Thrones is actually just a very long story about the importance of taking care of your pets
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Chase Mitchell May 22
Jorah Mormont like
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Chase Mitchell May 22
Did you know that when you die, God makes you look at all your deleted tweets and asks "Now what were you thinking there"
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Chase Mitchell May 20
Check out this fun thing I worked on this week!
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Chase Mitchell May 20
It would be cool to have hollow bones, like a bird or an Olsen twin.
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Chase Mitchell May 19
Every guy on NPR talks like he is apologizing after sex.
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Chase Mitchell May 17
Kind of ironic that we use "one Mississippi" to measure the passage of time.
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Chase Mitchell May 16
Venn diagram of "people who shop at Walmart" and "people who have a tattoo of their own child's face"
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Chase Mitchell May 16
Here's a sentence to infuriate my grandfather: My robot watch just gave me an award for standing up enough times in a week.
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Chase Mitchell May 15
Can't believe I'm the only one at the theater in a Money Monster costume.
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Chase Mitchell May 15
what an insane amount of audience goodwill this guy has squandered in 10 years
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Chase Mitchell May 15
Spent last night comforting your mom about the cancelation of Castle.
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