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Chase Mitchell
Emmy-losing writer for The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.
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Chase Mitchell retweeted
Emmy Blotnick 4h
The Trivago guy is fucking your wife
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Chase Mitchell Jul 27
Imagine needing to know something about a Vine star
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Chase Mitchell Jul 26
Chaos at the offices. Cocaine and Muscle Milk are everywhere. More women being punched than usual.
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Chase Mitchell Jul 24
Lime-A-Ritas come in 2 sizes: "Wouldn't It Be Funny To Try a Lime-A-Rita," and "The Cause Of Death Was Lime-A-Ritas."
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Chase Mitchell Jul 24
Something fucked-up about a country where all the movie heroes are white guys with guns and so are the real-life villains.
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Chase Mitchell Jul 24
Doesn't help that Hulk Hogan's apology for saying the N-word is "Sorry, brother!"
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Chase Mitchell Jul 20
Gawker is like a drunk, annoying couple at a party fighting over the right way to tell a story you didn't want to hear in the first place.
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Chase Mitchell Jul 20
"yes." - someone's dad
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Chase Mitchell Jul 20
"Hey Dad, someone hacked into Ashley Madison and is going to release all the names of its users" *looks over at Dad-shaped hole in the wall*
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Chase Mitchell Jul 19
"Ant-Man" just autocorrected in my phone to "any man." I told my girlfriend I'm going to see any man.
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Chase Mitchell Jul 18
There is no legal proof that "Donald Trump" is not just a megaphone with an orangutan sleeping on top of it
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Chase Mitchell Jul 16
Psh, Apocalypse be lookin like Ivan Ooze n shit.
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Chase Mitchell Jul 13
"GET UP, COME ON GET DOWN WITH THE SICKN—" *librarian quietly points to sign that says Do Not Disturbed*
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Chase Mitchell Jul 10
As we all rush to make jokes about the founder of Ed Hardy, let's remember that he was a person with a family: two dragons and a tiger skull
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Chase Mitchell Jul 10
RIP Christian Audigier, the male Lisa Frank
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Chase Mitchell Jul 9
Always bitchin when a dude has a man cave because there is nothin fuckin straighter than a secret room full of men
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Chase Mitchell Jul 9
"You guys on tinder?" - fun thing to say to people burning at the stake
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Chase Mitchell Jul 7
What do you expect from a guy who's made a living showing you how much extra room there is in his pants.
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Chase Mitchell Jul 7
My Chinese zodiac sign is The Rat. My astrological sign is Cancer. My birth stone is Take The Hint, Chase.
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Chase Mitchell Jul 4
Man in wig fights off British enemy for control of his home - history of our country / plot of Mrs. Doubtfire
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