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Chase Mitchell
Emmy-losing writer for The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.
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Chase Mitchell Aug 28
Taylor Swift looks like a daddy long legs robbed an American Apparel.
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Chase Mitchell Aug 26
Ugh, my phone keeps autocorrecting "responsible gun ownership" to "you're an idiot."
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Chase Mitchell Aug 26
the only thing i got from that story is that quentin would have banged the nerdy kid sooner, which is helpful to know
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Chase Mitchell Aug 26
That pretty much sums it up, actually.
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Chase Mitchell Aug 24
just a reminder this dude has a kid now
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Chase Mitchell Aug 21
congrats Aparna!
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Chase Mitchell Aug 21
"You never know what he's gonna do next!" - cool description of entertainment personality, not cool description of president
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Chase Mitchell Aug 20
GOD: Hey just checking in how is Earth going EARTH: There is a person named Deez Nuts running for p— GOD: Cool just gonna head back upstairs
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Chase Mitchell Aug 19
"Hey, this is Josh Duggar. I'm gonna need you to add another line to that 'Sorry About The Molestations' cake."
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Chase Mitchell Aug 18
Can you imagine how bad Jared wants to stress eat right now
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Chase Mitchell Aug 18
I just won Racism Bingo!
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Chase Mitchell Aug 18
American Ninja Warrior Recap: Dirk Thump: Failed on Sky Ladder Thad Fist: Failed on Rope Bridge Chase Mitchell: Tripped Getting Out Of Taxi
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Chase Mitchell Aug 17
he literally just took a bunch of kids up in a helicopter at a state fair
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Chase Mitchell Aug 17
gotta love that seamless transition from the actual music into a copyright-free soundalike at 00:13
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Chase Mitchell Aug 17
all i'm saying is: i used to work there, and they have a staff of young comedy writers who aren't out there stealing tweets
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Chase Mitchell Aug 17
when/if the creators find out "yourecards" are lifted, they remove them. (2/2)
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Chase Mitchell Aug 17
granted, the "make your own card" section is kind of the wild west. but in my experience, (1/2)
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Chase Mitchell Aug 17
distinction: those cards ("yourecards") are made by users. the site employs a staff of writers who write original cards.
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Chase Mitchell Aug 17
Very ready to stop seeing photos of 's hipster garbage face in my timeline.
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Chase Mitchell Aug 16
Burning Man is like if everyone in Mad Max was too high to fight each other.
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