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Charlie Brooker
Underwhelmist.
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Charlie Brooker 5d
The sum total of my parenting knowledge so far is this: babies are a bit on the needy side.
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Charlie Brooker 29 Mar
Dr. Seuss is no Spike Milligan.
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Charlie Brooker retweeted
Limmy 26 Mar
Something for the arachnophobes, e.g.
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Charlie Brooker 26 Mar
It had gone.
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Charlie Brooker 26 Mar
Then I left it there, and took the baby upstairs. I returned to work (writing late at night). Hours later I went back to look at it again.
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Charlie Brooker 26 Mar
I looked at it for a while, quite close up, to see if it would help me get over the phobia. One of the biggest spiders I've ever seen.
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Charlie Brooker 26 Mar
So I dropped a heavy book on it, like a murderous coward. Then I stood on the book. Later, I moved the book. There it lay, big as a dog...
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Charlie Brooker 26 Mar
But as far as my arachnophobe brain is concerned, that'd be like trying to disarm an AK-47 toting spree killer using a bendy straw.
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Charlie Brooker 26 Mar
An addendum to last night's spider encounter. I know what I should've done. I should've scooped it up with a glass and a bit of paper.
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Charlie Brooker 26 Mar
Shaken not turd.
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Charlie Brooker 26 Mar
RIGHT that's IT. I'm going to TRY IT.
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Charlie Brooker 26 Mar
I reckon even spiders are scared of spiders, which is why they often look like they're trying to run away from themselves.
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Charlie Brooker 26 Mar
I think I'm ready for that. Did it actually, genuinely work? Could you eat a spider now?
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Charlie Brooker 26 Mar
If you cut open a spider it's just full of other spiders. And if you cut open those spiders: more spiders. Right down to sub-atomic level.
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Charlie Brooker 26 Mar
SCIENTISTS but also some liars.
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Charlie Brooker 26 Mar
Oh God. Brrr.
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Charlie Brooker 26 Mar
Someone once told me spiders share no DNA with anything else on the planet. Obviously that's bullshit, but I believe it anyway.
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Charlie Brooker 26 Mar
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Charlie Brooker 26 Mar
SEASON FINALE
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Charlie Brooker 26 Mar
Badumm-tsshhh!
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