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Christopher Ashman
@
CAshmanActor
London/Stoke-on-Trent/LA
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On Byte too. Merch: redbubble.com/people/cashman… Tweets: twitter.com/search?q=from%…
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27.977
Tweetovi
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977
Pratim
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8.661
Osobe koje vas prate
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John Kennedy
@FrazzleMyGimp
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16. svi 2018. |
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ME: Can I buy you a drink?
HER: I have a boyfriend.
ME: {counting coins on the table} He can only get something small then.
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Christopher Ashman
@CAshmanActor
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5 h |
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*sniff* thanks buddy
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Christopher Ashman
@CAshmanActor
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5 h |
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The struggle is real 🎭 😫
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⚠️maxx⚠️
@climaxximus
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5 h |
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doctor: we're putting you in a cast
me: [a struggling actor] will I have any lines?
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Christopher Ashman
@CAshmanActor
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10 h |
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america: ayyy
australia: g’dayy
america: lmao
new zealand: lmaori
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𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎
@callmeEvian
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18 h |
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I drink so much Aussie wine, I’ve grown a yellow tail.
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HRH Prince Pessimus Prime Duke of Everything
@BigJDubz
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14 h |
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Me: in the early 90s, I helped clear a yard in Australia of overgrown plants, to create space for a performance by an up and coming pop duo
Her: Savage Garden?
Me: more unkempt really
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Mom Jeans
@momjeansplease
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6 h |
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Me: I won a trip to Australia!
Him: outback?
Me: nah, online
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.Mela.
@mela_shea
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6 h |
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Natalie Imbruglia: doc, nothing’s fine, I’m torn
Therapist: care to elaborate?
Natalie: I’m all out of faith
Therapist: tell me how you’re feeling
Natalie: this is how I feel; I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Therapist: yeah about that
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Christopher Ashman
@CAshmanActor
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7 h |
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😊
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rice man
@pilau
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7 h |
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Crocodile Dundee: you call that a knife?
me: yes
Dundee: what do you call this?
me: a fork
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soul nate
@MNateShyamalan
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20 h |
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me, the only one in spanish class who can’t roll his r’s:
pic.twitter.com/T9dKaHN86s
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inkedupandsonic
@sonictyrant
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7 h |
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mugger: act cool and you wont get hurt
me: *two thumbs up* Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
mugger: you know what, here's your wallet back
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Christopher Ashman
@CAshmanActor
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10 h |
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america: ayyy
australia: g’dayy
america: lmao
new zealand: lmaori
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the drake gatsby 🧙♂️
@DrakeGatsby
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10 h |
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Friend: How was your Australia trip?
Me: *disappointed I wasnt able to carry an adult kangaroo in a baby bjorn while they had a baby kangaroo in their pouch* It was fine I guess
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𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎
@callmeEvian
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17 h |
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Vegemite implies that vegemay.
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
@professorkiosk
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19. sij |
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Campfires are just acoustic toasters.
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Possum Kingdom
@aissalanis
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22 h |
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Nobody:
Girls singing the American anthem at sporting events:
🎵 and the home of the
braaaAAAaaaAAäääáãAAAA
ɑɑɑɑɑɑ A
AaaÅÃ ᴬᴬᴬᴬ
aaaaaaaaa
AAAAA AAAAAA
aaaaââä
ɑɑɑɑɑɑve 🎵
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rice man
@pilau
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23 h |
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Crocodile Dundee: you call that a knife?
me: yes what do you call it?
Dundee: this is a sharpy stabaroo
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Christopher Ashman
@CAshmanActor
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11 h |
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Awesome! Safe travels 😊
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