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Benjamin Apple
contributor, / writer, writer/performer, formerly of Late night w/Jimmy Fallon.
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Benjamin Apple Jan 6
Am I wrong to get the impression that Bitcoin is just a game of chicken played on a global scale? What percentage of Bitcoin transfers are actually purchases/other meaningful exchanges of wealth, as opposed to people just trading Bitcoin itself? Do people actually "use" Bitcoin?
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Benjamin Apple Dec 26
You guys coming to LA next year? ❤️
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Benjamin Apple Dec 17
The floor of this airplane is littered with damp, dirty bath towels. Looks like a beachside hotel room on a Sunday afternoon. It’s nuts
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Benjamin Apple Dec 16
Tired of Ed Sheeran getting in all my music like spilled glitter
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Benjamin Apple Nov 28
Crew on this flight is starting every sentence with “I’m very sad.” “I’m very sad, can I get you anything to drink?” (etc)
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Benjamin Apple Nov 28
Instead of life vests and oxygen masks this airplane just has loose band-aids everywhere. There’s thousands and thousands of them
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Benjamin Apple Nov 28
Instead of flight attendants this airplane just has a Roomba (batteries dead) and a vending machine (all Twix) :/
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Benjamin Apple Nov 21
The seats on this plane only recline forward. They range from bolt upright to nearly doubled over :/
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Benjamin Apple Nov 21
Seatbelts on this flight are coin operated :/
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Benjamin Apple Nov 21
Pilot just warned us this airplane’s nickname is “Ol’ Crashy.”
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Benjamin Apple Oct 1
Replying to @Bluvband
Hahahahahahahaha
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Benjamin Apple Oct 1
Everything Trump does would fit perfectly in those scenes where the aliens show us our own TV broadcasts to explain why they don’t trust us
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Benjamin Apple Aug 31
Yes we SING it around Halloween, but the lyrics never indicate they DID the monster mash at Halloween. A closer inspection of the text 1/
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Benjamin Apple Aug 24
For sale: baby shoes, never worn. (Baby was one of those 'barefooting' freaks 🙄)
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Benjamin Apple Aug 21
Scientists say if you start glancing at the sun two, three times a day you build up a tolerance and eventually can stare as long as you want
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Benjamin Apple Aug 18
Fill up your Train Slot, hop on the Big Line Bus, grab yourself a Street Ham, and stroll down Amberton Avenue! That's MY New York!
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Benjamin Apple Aug 17
Attendants on this flight keep referring to checked luggage and carry-ons as "shit crates" and "buddy bags."
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Benjamin Apple Aug 17
This airplane has some big holes in it that are half-way patched up with off-brand LEGOs
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Benjamin Apple Aug 17
Flight attendants keep insisting there are no snacks available, "not even if you wanted to buy them for 30 dollars, wink wink," very coy
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Benjamin Apple Aug 17
Every window on this airplane is different. I think they're second-hand
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