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batkaren
@
batkaren
avi by @OtherDanOBrien
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my mom fucked a bat
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2.377
Tweetovi
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418
Pratim
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28.801
Osobe koje vas prate
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batkaren
@batkaren
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26 min |
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So what’s the deal with the Iowa Caucus? People get in a room and talk? Is it a wrestling situation?
Okay yeah that sounds right... Probably a wrestling situation.
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Angie B
@Angibangie
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19. pro |
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Me [chopping an onion]: ok this time I'm not going to cry
Onion: please miss I have a family
Me: oh fucking hell
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batkaren
@batkaren
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28 min |
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So predictable pic.twitter.com/eFHfIliOwC
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batkaren
@batkaren
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10. srp 2018. |
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“I love you,” Random Generator Bot tells me.
Warmth blossoms inside me and a grin breaks across my lips. “I love you too, Random Gene—“
“Plate tectonics digest cannulas,” Random Generator Bot says.
My smile fades. “Yeah…” I nod at Random Generator Bot. “They sure do, buddy.”
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batkaren
@batkaren
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3 h |
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it was a glorious evening
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batkaren
@batkaren
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31. svi 2017. |
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[first day as a mechanical arm operator]
"Okay yeah someone call 911 again."
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JAY [ham] KAY
@NurseMurderer
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4 h |
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you spend a lengthy amount of time carefully unwrapping a present, ensuring not to rip the paper and setting the ribbons and bows aside. once the box is finally open, you see it is yet another dick pic.
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Jennifer McAuliffe
@JenniferJokes
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30. sij |
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I never go to the dentist but my teeth are in perfect condition because I never use them to chew my food. I just send full fruits and vegetables down the gullet
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Viktor Winetrout
@Cpin42
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24. sij |
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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and a horse that solves crimes
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batkaren
@batkaren
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3 h |
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Mentioned aloud how knees aren’t well built and instantly tore my meniscus.
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batkaren
@batkaren
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4 h |
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Happy birthday to the wonderful @chuuew! Everyone please #FF. He’s a very good chuuew. pic.twitter.com/3CUKybsQCh
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mo
@chuuew
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31. sij |
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ME: [jumping in cab] Follow that truck
DRIVER: The one selling ice-cream?
ME: JUST DO IT
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batkaren
@batkaren
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5 h |
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Bigfoot pops his head out of the bushes and whispers into the wind, “the clitoral orgasm is feminist myth…”
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Pigeon Fancier
@isabelzawtun
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5 h |
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“There’s incontrovertible evidence supporting the existence of Bigfoot!” Hollers a man who believes the clitoral orgasm is a myth. Bro you’re searching in the bushes for the wrong thing
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batkaren
@batkaren
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18 h |
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A vampire who enthralls her victims to expose their necks so she can make farty noise raspberries there.
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batkaren
@batkaren
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6 h |
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Yeah but we will get back together with andromeda.
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batkaren
@batkaren
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7 h |
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It always makes me a little sad that Australia used to be connected to Antarctica, and it looks like it’s still reaching out to its former partner… pic.twitter.com/cXsLGtccGD
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batkaren
@batkaren
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22 h |
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Tough-love kangaroos kicking out mature joeys by changing the pouch locks.
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Line Art Lionheart
@notalogin
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29. sij |
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Panic! At the appropriate time twitter.com/nntaleb/status…
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batkaren
@batkaren
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31. sij |
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The routine was going well until bottom dolphin accidentally stabbed top dolphin with the dorsal fin and all of top dolphin’s innards began falling out mid-air. pic.twitter.com/PmkA5lkUPY
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