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batkaren
my mom fucked a bat
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batkaren 26 min
So what’s the deal with the Iowa Caucus? People get in a room and talk? Is it a wrestling situation? Okay yeah that sounds right... Probably a wrestling situation.
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Angie B 19. pro
Me [chopping an onion]: ok this time I'm not going to cry Onion: please miss I have a family Me: oh fucking hell
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batkaren 28 min
Odgovor korisniku/ci @batkaren
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batkaren 10. srp 2018.
“I love you,” Random Generator Bot tells me. Warmth blossoms inside me and a grin breaks across my lips. “I love you too, Random Gene—“ “Plate tectonics digest cannulas,” Random Generator Bot says. My smile fades. “Yeah…” I nod at Random Generator Bot. “They sure do, buddy.”
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batkaren 3 h
Odgovor korisniku/ci @chuuew
it was a glorious evening
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batkaren 31. svi 2017.
[first day as a mechanical arm operator] "Okay yeah someone call 911 again."
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JAY [ham] KAY 4 h
you spend a lengthy amount of time carefully unwrapping a present, ensuring not to rip the paper and setting the ribbons and bows aside. once the box is finally open, you see it is yet another dick pic.
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Jennifer McAuliffe 30. sij
I never go to the dentist but my teeth are in perfect condition because I never use them to chew my food. I just send full fruits and vegetables down the gullet
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Viktor Winetrout 24. sij
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and a horse that solves crimes
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batkaren 3 h
Mentioned aloud how knees aren’t well built and instantly tore my meniscus.
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batkaren 4 h
Happy birthday to the wonderful ! Everyone please . He’s a very good chuuew.
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mo 31. sij
ME: [jumping in cab] Follow that truck DRIVER: The one selling ice-cream? ME: JUST DO IT
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batkaren 5 h
Odgovor korisniku/ci @isabelzawtun
Bigfoot pops his head out of the bushes and whispers into the wind, “the clitoral orgasm is feminist myth…”
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Pigeon Fancier 5 h
“There’s incontrovertible evidence supporting the existence of Bigfoot!” Hollers a man who believes the clitoral orgasm is a myth. Bro you’re searching in the bushes for the wrong thing
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batkaren 18 h
A vampire who enthralls her victims to expose their necks so she can make farty noise raspberries there.
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batkaren 6 h
Odgovor korisniku/ci @CliveWismayer
Yeah but we will get back together with andromeda.
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batkaren 7 h
It always makes me a little sad that Australia used to be connected to Antarctica, and it looks like it’s still reaching out to its former partner…
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batkaren 22 h
Tough-love kangaroos kicking out mature joeys by changing the pouch locks.
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Line Art Lionheart 29. sij
Panic! At the appropriate time
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batkaren 31. sij
The routine was going well until bottom dolphin accidentally stabbed top dolphin with the dorsal fin and all of top dolphin’s innards began falling out mid-air.
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