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Vision Bored
dick jokes and relatable sadness
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Vision Bored retweeted
the drake gatsby 🐻 21h
I just wanna be the person you agonize over shooting in the head in the zombie apocalypse but realistically I just had a cold and you didn’t wanna chance it
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Vision Bored retweeted
blank Jan 17
cop: you're under arrest. conman: YOU'RE under arrest. cop: oh shit this guy's good.
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Vision Bored 8m
😂🙌🏻
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Vision Bored 10m
You are not sorry
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Vision Bored 23m
Replying to @sarcasm4therapy
Yes
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Swim Jeans👖 2 Oct 18
HER: would you like to feel it kick? ME: sure HER: *places my hand on her sensei*
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Jake Vig 2h
Post a tweet you believe should have gotten way more attention in this thread.
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Vision Bored 23m
Any Lizzo fans on twitter? 😂🤷🏻‍♀️
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Vision Bored 29m
Heaven forbid we can enjoy both we have the technology
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Vision Bored 29m
It wasn’t supposed to be this way I whisper through tears to the scrambled eggs that were meant to be an omelette
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Laura Marie 37m
I just found my husband hiding from our family on the floor of the closet, so I asked him to scoot over and make room for me.
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Vision Bored 35m
Replying to @dadthatwrites
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Leggy Pain 🇨🇦 40m
As part of my ongoing 2020 initiative to be more relatable to the Plebs, I am now capable of drinking the occasional Tim Horton's coffee when necessary.
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Vision Bored 36m
Replying to @dadthatwrites
Sorry I think you misspelled awesome
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Dad That Writes ☕ 43m
I'm gonna get you guys in on some inside knowledge from the Twitter dad's inner circle. Every time walks into a room, the guitar riff from "Money for Nothing" starts playing and everybody turns their heads to look, then cums.
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Vision Bored retweeted
Pru 6 Nov 18
If I ever have to have open heart surgery I hope my fridge busts in and stares into open me for ten minutes hoping to see something good
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Vision Bored 51m
Replying to @Mianmath83
Love to you, and your family. ❤️❤️❤️
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Tippi Hedren Collider 9h
A new neighbour is expected to move in across the street. We're all standing by, half-casually, like the student body of a cinematic high school. But I'm ready to step in as the earnest eccentric who is the first to befriend her, despite her next-town-over clothes and music.
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Vision Bored 53m
🥰🥰🥰🥰😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Vision Bored retweeted
Andrew Bergen Jan 17
🎤🎤 STAND UP TWEET CALL 🎤🎤 i am at 600 followers! to celebrate send me a tweet that you think would be a good stand-up joke. i’ll choose a couple & read them on stage to see how they do in front of an audience! (with your permission - not trying to steal here).
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