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God
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God 15h
Replying to @TheTweetOfGod
The first version of this tweet was phrased wrong because My secretary is stupid.
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God 15h
You are entitled to your opinion but it's wrong and you're stupid.
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God 21h
Just touched Earth to see if it sparked joy for Me. It didn't.
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God Feb 15
It's not that people use only 10% of their brains, it's that only 10% of people use their brains.
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God Feb 15
I created mankind to spend half its time praising Me and the other half killing each other over who praised Me better.
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God Feb 14
It's rare to see a national emergency declared by a national emergency.
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God Feb 14
Everything happens for a reason you make up afterwards.
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God Feb 13
Overwhelming evidence suggests many people choose to ignore overwhelming evidence.
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God Feb 12
It's always the people who believe I exist who provide the strongest evidence I don't.
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God Feb 12
Happy birthday to Charles Darwin, who would have been 210 today. 210, and extremely disappointed.
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God Feb 11
I genuinely don't remember making you all this stupid.
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God Feb 11
90% of you need to die immediately.
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God Feb 11
Let Me tell you about the birds and the bees. You are killing them all.
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God Feb 10
Life goes on. Sorry.
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God Feb 9
Sex before marriage is against My commandments, and that's what makes it so hot.
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God Feb 9
What if I told you the secret to all of life's mysteries was only one click and $10.99 away? It is.
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God Feb 9
Every word in the Bible is literally true. Then they start grouping themselves into sentences and you've got yourself a problem.
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God Feb 8
You know how stupid and awful other people can be, but it might surprise you to learn how stupid and awful you can be too.
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God Feb 7
Imagine walking in on 4 million people masturbating every minute and you'll begin to understand why I'm sick of My job.
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God Feb 6
“Fuck you” is a whole lot more intellectually honest than “I will pray for you”.
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