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Tommy Cooper
Just like that!
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Tommy Cooper 21h
Pavlov. That name really rings a bell.
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Tommy Cooper 21h
I had a dream last night I was making pancakes while driving along a twisty road. Tossing and turning.
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Tommy Cooper Dec 2
This man said, "you remind me of a pepper-pot". I said "I'll take that as a condiment".
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Tommy Cooper Dec 2
I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it.
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Tommy Cooper Nov 22
My butcher accidentally backed into the meatgrinder. He got a little behind in his work.
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Tommy Cooper Nov 22
Did you hear about the thief who fell and broke his leg in wet cement? He became a hardened criminal.
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Tommy Cooper Nov 18
I watched a documentary on how to build ships the other day. It was riveting.
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Tommy Cooper Nov 18
He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
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Tommy Cooper Nov 4
I was walking in a cemetery and saw a bloke behind a gravestone. 'Morning.'I said. 'No,' he replied, 'just picking daisies.'
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Tommy Cooper Nov 4
Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.
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Tommy Cooper Oct 28
I am dark and handsome. When it’s dark, I'm handsome.
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Tommy Cooper Oct 28
I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite..... one jar.
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Tommy Cooper Oct 28
It was so cold today I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
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Tommy Cooper Oct 22
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
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Tommy Cooper Oct 22
Did you hear about the man who went to buy some camouflage trousers? He couldn’t find any.
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Tommy Cooper Oct 7
My father used to say, “Never cry over spilt milk. It could have been whiskey.”
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Tommy Cooper Oct 7
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
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Tommy Cooper Sep 6
I went to a pet shop. I said ‘Can I buy a goldfish?’ The guy said ‘Do you want an aquarium?’ I said ‘I don’t care what star sign it is’.
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Tommy Cooper Sep 6
I went to the doctors. He said, 'Go over to the window and stick your tongue out.' I said, 'Why?' He said, 'I don't like my neighbours'
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Tommy Cooper Sep 6
I had a meal out last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant.
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