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@SarahAMcManus | |||||
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Under coercive / authoritarian culture, people often develop unconscious strategies of:
- Undermining their own self-trust to preserve relationships ➡️ to stay safe
- Or undermining other people's self-trust to maintain control & power ➡️ to stay safe
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Sarah McManus
@SarahAMcManus
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28. lis |
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How can we care for both:
- Being able to totally fucking express what's coming up for you
- Actually being heard by the receiver of that, instead of putting them on the defensive
(A thread on the live edge of navigating different frameworks for communication & emotional work) twitter.com/SarahAMcManus/…
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Sarah McManus
@SarahAMcManus
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28. lis |
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Hint: It often takes more than just 2 people!
It's incredibly, structurally difficult to do this (or most kinds of sense-making) in a 2-person system in isolation.
It's like saying, "Well, this pH meter says 7.1, and this one says 6.8... which one's right?"
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Sarah McManus
@SarahAMcManus
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28. lis |
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If all you've got is those 2, ain't much you can do.
You definitely, definitely need to get some more pH meters involved, along with some kind of procedures, to navigate that calibration in a useful way.
twitter.com/Meaningness/st…
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Sarah McManus
@SarahAMcManus
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28. lis |
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The human sense-making equivalent would be more like coherent parallax.
Say you've got 2 different perspectives on an issue, 2 different ways of telling the story & meaning of what happened.
You can either fight about it, or try & get the 3D view:
twitter.com/SarahAMcManus/…
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Sarah McManus
@SarahAMcManus
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28. lis |
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So 2 people *can* attempt that move, if they're already working from a culture / mindset of seeking a collaborative 3D view of the situation.
Sometimes it's necessary to have more trusted folks involved, though, because of blind spots.
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Sarah McManus
@SarahAMcManus
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28. lis |
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Both of those strategies completely undermine and interfere with collaborative sense-making & calibration & navigation!
Nearly impossible to escape self-reinforcing confusion tangles in an isolated 2-person system, if those patterns are present.
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Sarah McManus
@SarahAMcManus
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28. lis |
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In the example dialogue I linked to at the top of this thread, I described Bob & Alice getting into this 2-person trap (accusation / defensiveness)
I described them escaping the trap through talking with other trusted friends, feeling heard, and then coming back into dialogue
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