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UCSB Nexustentialism
Daily Nexus satire section / the last bastion of the talentless and the self-defeated.
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Daily Nexus Feb 16
We here at Nexustentialism went undercover to see if the rumors surrounding the mystery-shrouded residence that so few Isla Vistans choose to inhabit hold up to our concrete reporting skillz. ()
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Daily Nexus Feb 16
Here is the guide you need to understanding relationships. ()
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Daily Nexus Feb 15
Cherry ready to be popped, I embraced the unbearable pain that overtook my entire body, letting him know just how horribly good it felt with my sexiest screams and even crying so that at least some part of me was wet. ()
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Daily Nexus Feb 13
After falling during a storm and striking the IV Foot Patrol building, Tree was arrested outside the building in the early morning of Feb. 2. ()
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Daily Nexus Feb 13
“I turned down Sac State to come here,” Freshman Jeremy Yeggie stated, in what we can assume must’ve been some kind of flex. “It’s sick, I haven’t had to wear a jacket ever.” ()
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UCSB Nexustentialism Feb 11
Monday midterm:
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Daily Nexus Feb 9
Our recent super blood moon produced a wide-scale period synchronization, the likes of which have never been seen before. ()
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Daily Nexus Feb 10
Everyone in Europe are wearing these train conductor hats, and I’m sorry you guys aren’t up to date with the latest from Par-ee (where I studied abroad, in case you were wondering). ()
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Daily Nexus Feb 5
Beta Beta Beta’s recent dayger promised a lavish party at an oceanside DP address with promised “Grey Goose, Hennessy, Champagne, Supreme money guns and one-hundred percent guaranteed sex for all partygoers.” ()
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Daily Nexus Feb 4
The people of fourth are not scholars; they are a simple people who look to simple pleasures — a cold Yerb, a sticker-decorated Hydro Flask, a charged set of AirPods. ()
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UCSB Nexustentialism Feb 4
Wind: *gusts* Rain: *sprinkles* Trees in IV:
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Daily Nexus Feb 2
I crushed winter rush and was too cool for every single house. Literally nobody could handle Bad Chad. ()
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Daily Nexus Feb 2
Just as local I.V. woman Margaret Rogers had finished laying out her earth-toned Mexican blanket from World Market, she came to the daunting realization that her phone had died. ()
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Daily Nexus Feb 2
Redouble your efforts, my daughter. Mother and I have the highest hopes that you may find a man who will take pity on you. ()
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Daily Nexus Jan 26
There’s no high like the feeling of pushing past other Gauchos in what is a silent but competitive pursuit of actually getting on the bus. ()
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Daily Nexus Jan 26
“I don’t know, I guess a lot of the time the best part of the night is the pregame,” crew member Alex admitted in a special moment of inward looking. ()
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UCSB Nexustentialism Jan 23
When u make accidental eye contact with someone thru the cracks in the girvetz bathroom stall
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Daily Nexus Jan 22
Third-year student Niko Teene’s financial success has been so rampant that he was recently included in the 2019 edition of the Forbes “30 Under 30” list, placing six spots ahead of the current Goldman Sachs vice president. ()
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Daily Nexus Jan 19
"I will not go gentle into that geed night, or whatever the saying is. They will have to lock me up in the bowels of the sorority house where they put the ugly girls during rush to shut me up." ()
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UCSB Nexustentialism Jan 17
Can’t speak Can’t hear Can’t see Can’t make eye contact or it’s over
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