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Mike
Bits and Ideas
1,879
Tweets
177
Following
293
Followers
Tweets
Mike Nov 17
Today I saw a fire escape on a retirement home. Who are you kidding?
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Mike Nov 13
You ever realize you’re too broke to decide whether you want tattoos or not
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Mike Oct 4
Breaking news: Employees at picket sign company go on poorly advertised strike.
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Mike Sep 20
If you had to ballpark it, how many environmental protest posters do you think will be in dumpsters tomorrow morning?
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Mike Sep 16
Happy 6 months boo! Call me crazy I don’t care because I just know we’ll be together for a long time.💕
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Mike Sep 4
Life was a fond memory A silly peaceful reverie Share with friends and family Chanting, ranting happily Those times you shared a laugh with me
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Mike Aug 30
You know when you’re in a group of people, and everyone is listening to someone tell a story instead of complimenting your dope jacket. It’s like “nobody cares about your stupid story you attention whore!”
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Mike Aug 28
Somewhere out there exists a dog named Alexa who feels like her owner expects a bit too much out of her.
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Mike Aug 18
Today I not only did laundry, but I separated whites, darks, and colors. However somehow my credit score remains the same. Explain yourself society.
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Mike Aug 17
Anyone selling old band t-shirts? Doesn’t matter what band it is I just wanna show people that I was born in the wrong decade.
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Mike Jul 24
To anyone who says, “chivalry isn’t dead, it’s just usually presented in the form of misogyny through objectification, blah blah blah,” I say nay. I say direct your attention to this, a true modern gentleman.
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Mike Jul 17
I know there’s haters out there but I love my body. I’m thicker than the soles of your filas👅
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Mike Jul 16
It’s been almost a month and I still have no idea why some people’s profile pictures are blue. I’m almost starting to think maybe colors don’t actually raise awareness?
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Mike Jun 30
If you watch tv with subtitles on, we can’t talk anymore. But, I will send you a transcript explaining why you’re a piece of shit.
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Mike Jun 28
Selfies are like mugshots, but the crime is being uninteresting.
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Mike Jun 22
Belief = Confounding variables + ignorance
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Mike Jun 18
Mexicans love pitbulls almost as much as white people love Pitbull.
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Mike Jun 18
I wish I was a child actor because my 20’s would be so much more interesting.
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Mike Jun 10
Studies have shown that 100% of depressed teens turn to either drugs or twenty-one pilots music. We need to be doing more to inform our nation’s youth of the danger of white rappers.
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Mike Jun 10
All urination is public urination if the voices in your head are as loud as mine.
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