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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷
MOTHERHOOD: The scariest HOOD we'll ever go through. ☕️, Swearing & Faith needed, WINE DESERVED 🤘🏻🍷
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Oct 26
I don’t know who needs to see this, but deleting Facebook and never looking the fuck back is fantastic for your mental health
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Oct 22
trump literally just said “I am the least racist person in this room” 💀💀💀💀 I’ll take “things that gaslighting, racists say” for $2000, Alex? 🤡🤡
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Oct 20
I found my twins playing “pee slip-n-slide” on the front porch earlier tonight. It’s played exactly how it sounds. Pls continue to follow me on the interwebs for more positive parenting inspiration 💩💩
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Oct 7
To whoever missed the debate and needs a recap: 1. Kamala; aka THE FORCE 2. “Excuse me, I’m speaking” 3. The fly 4. Piles of bullshit that the fly feasted upon 5. Pence; aka THE BULLSHIT PROVIDER
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Oct 3
How to stay on top of the laundry when you have kids: 1. You can’t 2. Find a new dream
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Sep 29
Awe, poor narcissistic cheeto hitler didn’t realize that “debate” meant discussing facts, policy and science instead of shaming, manipulating & talking over his running mate to try & make himself look competent. What a lying, deflecting, f’ing unfit joke. NEXT
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Sep 21
Twin 1: It’s NOT ok to say shit Twin 2 [proud]: I NEVER say shit, YOU say shit 1: YOU just said shit!! 2: No! I don’t say shit!! YOU say shit!! 1: Mommy, he keeps saying shiitt!! Me: Y’all realize you’re both saying shit.. like a lot.. Twins: No! We do NOT SAY SHITT!!!!
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Sep 14
“Our hobbies include staying up too late to catch up on alone time and wishing we’d gone to bed earlier bc we’re tired AF” - Moms
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Sep 9
Funny when the people who are called out on being racist, sexist, misogynistic, trans/homophobic, etc, say things like “oh, everything is ‘racist’ these days” or “you’re just being a a softy/snowflake” it’s like yes Brett, I sure as hell am a softy if that’s what it means 👍🏻
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Sep 3
Carole (feeding-her-husband-to-the-tigers) Baskin was just announced as the next celebrity on Dancing with the Stars 2020 is finally cancelled, congrats🤝💩
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Sep 1
Before kids: Omg, I can’t wait for jeans and sweater weather 😍🍁 After: Omg, I can’t wait for leggings and hoodie weather😍🍁
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 31
Mom cold: Like a regular cold, except no one gives a shit 😐
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 28
Fascinating that the people who say things like “if he would’ve just complied with the police, he could’ve protected himself,” are the same dipshits who don’t comply with wearing a mask in order to help protect others lives. Funny how that shit works😷🤐
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 27
Standing in the bathroom this morning, one of my twins walked in & I noticed him staring at the faded stretch marks on my hip, and while tracing one with his finger he goes “...those your birth tattoos, mommy?” and that is what they shall be called forevermore 😍🖤 ⚡️
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 25
Pumpkin spice lattes are an abomination to coffee, fight me
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 24
My love language is anyone other than me doing bedtimes
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 23
Me, not giving a shit about pumpkin spiced anything every fall
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 22
The funniest part about all these racist Karens that keep going viral is when they say dumb shit like “Go back to where you came from!!” to POC, like lol, sis take your privileged white ass back to Europe where YOU came from, THIS👏🏻IS👏🏻NOT👏🏻YOUR👏🏻NATIVE👏🏻LAND👏🏻🤡🤦🏻‍♀️🤡🤦🏻‍♀️
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 16
Scrolling social media back in March: Omg, stfu with your color coded, homeschooling charts, Linda, why are you posting this🙄 Now: Sweet baby Jesus take the coronial wheel, we’re in this shit together, Linda, hit me up with ur homeschooling charts, pls send screen shots🙏🏻😩🤡
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☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 Aug 11
5yo: *shouting from the other room* “Mommyyy!!! Will you PLEASE GET ME A JUICE!!” 7yo: *sitting next to him on the couch* “Get up and use the legs God gave you and go get it yourself.. She’s not your maid” My work here is done 😭😭💅🏻🧜🏼‍♀️💀
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