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Lucias Malcolm
Writer of comedy for radio. Editor of words for . Queller of 's rants for The Story Toolkit.
3,065
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372
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244
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Tweets
Lucias Malcolm Oct 19
Replying to @ISayItsAdam
In truth I dont recall eating the ice cream.
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Lucias Malcolm Oct 19
Dreamt I was killed by the assassin from GHOST PROTOCOL. My dying words were "At least I got ice cream." I can only hope I'm that poignant on my real death bed.
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Lucias Malcolm retweeted
Dan Thomas Oct 16
... and bent on revenge.
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Elena Lifetaker💀🔪 Jr. Oct 13
If you haven't sung a song to your dog, about your dog, then, goddamn it, you shouldn't have a dog.
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Lucias Malcolm Oct 12
Replying to @SiF78 @therapyofficial
I've had it on loop since it came out.
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TechnicallyRon Oct 9
How to write a horror film: 1. Bad things 2. OR ARE THERE 3. Yes there are bad things 4. Defeat the bad things 5. OR HAVE THEY
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Lucias Malcolm Oct 8
Replying to @emilyalicepoole
He's not often correct, at least from my liberal snowflake POV.
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Lucias Malcolm Oct 8
Replying to @jjschach @Bass_Wakil
My life needs more Bass.
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Lucias Malcolm Oct 8
Replying to @emilyalicepoole
Even a broken clock, right?
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Lucias Malcolm Oct 8
Replying to @jjschach @Bass_Wakil
I don't think his mic is on.
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Lucias Malcolm retweeted
Michael McKean Oct 6
Might one of the sitting Justices break the inevitable ice of that first day with a gentle "Tell us a little something about yourself, Brett"?
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Lucias Malcolm retweeted
Paul Bernal Oct 7
Dear Media Please stop claiming Theresa May is in any way ‘centrist’. Stop swallowing the garbage she spouts, and actually scrutinise her record. She always says this. She never does it. Yours Anyone paying attention.
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Lucias Malcolm retweeted
TechnicallyRon Oct 6
Anxiety isnt being nervous. Anxiety is being in a situation that others find fine but your stomach is in knots and your mind is on fire. Anxiety is looking around you and convincing yourself that everyone hates you. Anxiety is every terrifying scenario compacted into one moment.
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TechnicallyRon Oct 5
Anxiety is fun because you get anxious about being too anxious around people which sets off your anxiety and now your anxiety is in a never ending anxiety ouroboros and nothing makes sense but also anxiety
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Lucias Malcolm Oct 4
Replying to @WillardFoxton
People were furious about the teacher strike too, right?
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Solomon Georgio Sep 27
Today is a reminder that if homosexuality was a choice, there would be 2, maybe 3, straight women left after today.
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Apparently normal MꙬse Allain Sep 26
You should only be allowed to read Catch 22 if you've read it before.
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Lucias Malcolm Sep 27
Replying to @jjschach
POOOOORGIE!!!!!
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Lucias Malcolm Sep 27
Replying to @jjschach
A movie with wereporgs would break cinema. No more films need be made.. SHUT IT DOWN HOLLYWOOD.
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Lucias Malcolm Sep 27
Replying to @jjschach
"Venom as a werewolf movie" was enough to wake me up.
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