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Curious Forgotten Lore
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Curious Forgotten Lore Apr 12
Perhaps the most decadent Private Members Club of the 1890s was Soho’s “Garden Of Unearthly Desires”, an establishment renowned for its sadomasochisticaly torturous pleasure dungeon staffed entirely by undead ballerinas, defrocked sailors, leathernuns & poisonous flowerfairies.
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Curious Forgotten Lore 19 Oct 18
In 1953 terror struck Hollywood’s acting community. A series of uncanny attacks on stars of the silver screen were traced to the jealous ghost of a movie extra who had developed the power to control umbrellas. The poltergeist was eventually banished by a team of parasolcologists.
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Curious Forgotten Lore 19 Jul 18
Most Satyrs made a moderately comfortable living as actors by hiring themselves out to priests & vicars who would suddenly produce their goatish employees in the midst of sermons, before extorting vast donations from the congregation in order to ‘banish the devil in their midst’.
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Curious Forgotten Lore 22 Jun 18
The legend of Lenny Lopsides is a tale of doom & dread. In 1764 blacksmith Len Lean was rumoured to have murdered his wife. A mob held Len over his anvil & hammered him to death. Now the vengeful ghost of Lopsided Lenny forever haunts the dark to crush the bones of all it meets.
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Curious Forgotten Lore 1 Aug 18
In 1913 the Fearleaders of Sutekh, lead by Cyrus O’Sirus, transported the Pyramid of Doom from Egypt to their headquarters in Iowa. The pyramid scheme was designed to summon Anubis to replace the Oldbis which was getting frayed. The Fearleaders chant began Sutekh-Anubis-Ra-Ra-Ra
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Curious Forgotten Lore 14 Feb 19
Can you feel my love? Buzz Can you feel my love? Buzz Sugar... Ah, honey, honey... You are my candy girl... And you got me wanting you. Can you feel my love? Buzz Can you feel my love? Buzz Honey Ah, sugar, sugar... You are my candy girl... And you got me wanting you.
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Curious Forgotten Lore 14 Feb 19
Valentine’s Day is a time of amorphous amorousness when innocent flowers of romance bloom amongst life’s thorny pricks. Even a cursed lovepuppet stitched from the poorly taxidermied corpse of a discarded cheerleader may still find love in the arms of the sockmonkey of her dreams.
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Curious Forgotten Lore 14 Feb 19
There’s nothing quite like a little Old Fashioned Romance... Bruises Are Blue Roses Are Thorny Violence Is Red & I’m Feeling Horny I Love You So Much I’ll Smash In Your Head We’ll Be Happy Together As Soon As You’re Dead
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Curious Forgotten Lore May 6
I praise your ugly! I praise your disease! I want your multidimensional everything! But Devotion is not free I want your cosmic, Many-angled, Eldritch-tentacled, Love-love-love! I want your love! R'lyeh wgah'-ah-ah! Ro mah ro-mah-mah! Cthulh-u-Lä! Lä! The Call of a BAD romance
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Curious Forgotten Lore 14 Feb 19
In 1932 a tiff between Dr Frank Incognito & his dribblingly lisping laboratory assistant, Stravinsky, resulted in the devoted family retainer being dismissed from service. Happily all was forgiven when the grovelling servant sent the Baron a valentine & offered him his heart.
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Curious Forgotten Lore 14 Feb 19
In 1909 a Valentine’s Day card produced for frustrated unrequited lovers on behalf of the Eternally Suffering Sweethearts of Suffragettes Society came in for stern criticism by the Royal Society for the Prevention of Extremely Dubious Accidental Double Entendres.
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Curious Forgotten Lore 14 Feb 19
Valentine's Day is often an occasion for sudden, spontaneous marriage proposals. In our contemporary age if such a romantic gesture turns out to have regretfully been a bit of a mistake, divorce is always an option. In the past Until Death Do Us Part led to more extreme measures.
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Curious Forgotten Lore 13 Feb 19
On Valentine's Day in 1968 Australia was struck by a virulent plague of Wagga Wagga Tonguepox. The contagion is spread via saliva & is believed to have originated when an unnamed "Patient Zero" spent an eventful weekend playing French Tonguehockey with a team of Incubi & Succubi.
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Curious Forgotten Lore 14 Feb 19
Valentines Day softens even the most corrupted of hearts & February the 14th is therefore a happy celebration for Hell’s Finest, the followers of Plod, God of Bent Coppers, who frequently set their sights on loved ones as they find their more amorous aspirations being triggered.
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Curious Forgotten Lore 14 Feb 19
Intolerable pressure is often put on women to find a boyfriend or husband. Even when unintentional, this is never more keenly felt than on Valentine's Day when, in desperation, a lady may accept romantic advances, only to find herself saddled with an insufferable little parasite.
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Curious Forgotten Lore 14 Feb 19
Even those most ardently cannibalistic members of the Guild of Barbers, Butchers, Bakers & Candlestick Makers, the ancient hereditary followers of Todd, God of Pies, are prone to some romanticism on Valentines Day, firmly believing the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
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Curious Forgotten Lore 14 Feb 19
Valentines Day is a time of romance that sets even demonically possessed china hearts a-flutter with desire. Every doll will be searching for a soulmate. And when those stolen souls have mated, there will soon be the pitter-patter of tiny porcelain feet, echoing in the night.
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Curious Forgotten Lore 13 Feb 19
It may well be argued that Valentine’s Day should always be seen as a time to celebrate love in all its many shapes & sizes, embracing romance in its countless diverse forms. However, just occasionally, it might possibly be an idea not to take that sentiment absolutely literally.
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Curious Forgotten Lore 14 Feb 19
On Valentines Day it is always important for wistful secret admirers to remember the old saying, Nothing Says “I Love You” More Than The Implied Threat Of Utterly Inevitable Extremely Psychotic Demonic Possession
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Curious Forgotten Lore 14 Feb 19
It is always important to remember, when pledging your undying love to a Valentine, that eternal romance can last a very very very long time.
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