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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛
when i was a movie theatre projectionist, the other projectionist, Matt, would bring clam chowder for lunch every single day, refusing to put it in the fridge even though the projection hallway was well over 100°
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
Matt once got into an argument with another employee so fierce that the off-duty cop who was doing security had to break them up all because Matt had established that 50 Cent's "Get Rich or Die Trying" movie was based on Hamlet (it wasn't)
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
Matt's favorite thing to do (after seeing FIGHT CLUB) was cut a single frame of a titty into kids movies at a random spot and not tell anyone, so the rest of us projectionists would have to wait until he left for the day then run the entire film to find and cut the frame back out
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
Concessions would put all the excess popcorn into massive bags at night and give them out to employees. Matt would take as much as he could, hiding them in the loading dock. One day he full-speed crashed his truck into the loading dock trying to pick up the secreted away popcorn
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
Matt was splicing "CARS" reels together one night, and spliced it wrong, leaving it off-center by millimeters. Then he let it run to spool up for the next show and went home. When when we came back in the morning, it was so badly damaged Disney sent insurance investigators to us
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
When asked by investigators about the CARS mishap, Matt said that he clocked out but didn't go home, instead watching Anime in the Manager's Office until 3am, "since its the only place with a DVD player and TV" and admitted to making a copy of the manager key on his lunch break
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
our movie theatre had to sign an insurance rider to be allowed to play Evil Dead because our track record was so bad, and Matt wasn't allowed to be near the machine-- we had to rope it off and keep track of him
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
Management moved Matt to being an usher, where he used a backpack vacuum on the movie screen, ripping a hole in it. The theatre did not have backpack vacuums, he brought his own.
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
Matt told me a long story about how he had joined the Navy and "it didn't work out" so he joined the Army and in basic training a Drill Sergeant said, and I quote "Matthew, you're too smart for the Army, I'm kicking you out"
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
Matt asked if I wanted to hang out one day, and not wanting to die by his hand, I said sure. We ended up at his "apartment" which was his parents basement, where he asked me to rap like Bill Clinton on the album he was recording.
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
Matt handed me some of his lyrics, and they were about the Yakuza, the Japanese gangsters-- he was not Japanese and had never been there-- and then asked if I wanted to watch the anime "Fruits Basket" (???) to "get in the zone" before rapping.... about the Yakuza
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
the next day he told me how awesome it was to have me on his album (I didn't record anything ???) and that "Kimiko" loved having me there-- turns out Kimiko was his girlfriend, a very clearly hispanic woman who spoke only spanish. Matt did not speak spanish.
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
One time Matt got into an argument with the manager of the comic book/game store in the mall the movie theatre was attached to-- he then proceeded to challenge the manager to a duel, and the manager, being a former Marine, accepted immediately and produced the handgun he carried
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
Matt spent the next two days in the projection hallway, a) worried he was going to die because he didn't own a gun, b) lamented that his "karate" wasn't good enough (he didn't know karate), and c) cried because there was "no where else to buy Magic Cards" (there was)
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
In preparation for his duel with the game store Marine, Matt asked me where to get a gun, me being a high school nerd who was too afraid to speak to a girl, thinking somehow I knew where to get a burner pistol
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
Instead of shooting him dead, the Marine banned Matt from the store, so Matt then picketed with a sign (alone) outside the store in the atrium of the mall every day until mall management told him he was banned from the mall. Matt then had to use the loading dock to get into work.
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
the theatre used to show movie series as an event, like Star Wars or Lord of the Rings, and Management had to put a sign up in the break room and hallways that said "Matt isn't allowed to speak about [Star Wars]" and the sign would change based on the movie series being shown
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
Since he had destroyed his truck on the loading dock, Matt spent his life's savings on souping up a Pontiac G6 to look like the Batmobile. He decided to do the work himself, and because he was not a mechanic, the body kit came off on the highway and he crashed, totaling the car
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
When 50 Cent's "Get Rich or Die Trying" came out, the movie theatre got a pallet of promotional materials-- Matt stole as much of it as he could and tried selling it on eBay, but come to find out, no one gave a shit about "Get Rich or Die Trying" so he brought it all back
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
Ushers were allowed to keep (some) stuff found under the seats as long as no one came to claim it within 30 days-- eventually we realized Matt was stealing from the Target next door and putting things below seats to "find them" because to him "it's not illegal stuff then anymore"
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
Matt would spend his lunch breaks in the game room playing Dance Dance Revolution, and got in trouble one day after he easily beat the 10 year old at Dance Dance Revolution then loudly called him a "bitch" -- the kid didn't even do anything, Matt just roasted him for nothing
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
The theatre ran an event in 2006 to raise money for the children's hospital, playing Smash Brothers on the big screen. Matt went out and bought an expensive custom pro-gamer level Gamecube controller, paid his $10 entry fee donation, and was beaten in the first round in seconds
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
Some at the theatre weren't allowed to dress up in costumes for Halloween as it was too dangerous (a 120° projection hall where no one could see your costume, for example). One halloween Matt showed up in a movie-quality Stormtrooper costume and passed out immediately in the heat
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
Matt got suspended from the projectionist job after destroying the copy of CARS, so they put him in the ticket booth, where he held the record for the fastest firing when he convinced an old woman to see "Hostel" instead of "Last Holiday
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
Matt would sell single frames cut from the previews reels on eBay, claiming that they were original frames from the first run of the movie and forging the certification documents. According to him he made $30,000 a year doing this and it was "not illegal at all" (it was)
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
When he was working concessions, Matt would berate and insult people's food choices, which none of the Management stopped because people would buy more in the hopes Matt would shut the hell up for a few minutes
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
An older woman fell down in one of the auditoriums and couldn't get up, so instead of calling 911 or using the radio every usher was given, Matt ran full speed across building screaming "MEDICAL! MEDICAL!" only for the woman to be fine, and it was Matt who wouldn't let her get up
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
on days when Matt wouldn't bring lukewarm chowder for lunch he would order from the Papa Gino's pizza that was in the mall, and because he was banned from the mall for threatening and picketing the game store, he had to pay to have it walked across the mall and delivered to him
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
The theatre would host kids parties-- one day there were too many parties scheduled and not enough party staff, so my manager asked me and Matt to do a kids HALO themed birthday, and the family asked for a refund because Matt kept arguing with the kid about HALO and Master Chief
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
Matt showed up to work once wearing a chainmail top under his work polo and when asked why, he said that he didn't want to be late for work- i asked why he didn't just take it off now that he was here and he stomped away then spent the whole shift making jingly noises as he moved
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𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 Nov 20
Replying to @KLobstar
The first time I saw Matt cry was when the bulb burst on the projector playing "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and in despair he openly wailed as he tried to explain to me that people NEED to see it, ignoring that we still needed to fix the bulb (still on fire) in the machine
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