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The Jorvik Times
"All the News that's Fit to Illuminate and Painstakingly Copy"
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The Jorvik Times 21h
Replying to @JorvikTimes
Clarification: “At time of affair, cyng was by two years married...” for the third time.
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The Jorvik Times 21h
Second courtesan claims extramarital affair with in detailed story chronicled by The New Warwicker. At time of affair, cyng was but two years married and three months a new father.
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The Jorvik Times 21h
Replying to @donaeldunready
Hild: It’s a shame Big Brother Eadweard didn’t escape the assassins you sent, and thereby spare us the sad attempts at wit. And also your reign.
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The Jorvik Times Feb 15
Editorial Board: Again. And again. And again...
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The Jorvik Times Feb 14
“I’m totally opposed to domestic violence,” says the man whose first wife swore under oath to being violently raped by him.
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The Jorvik Times Feb 7
Live look as ex-wives of disgraced Great Hall courtier Robert the Porter - still defended by - exact vengeance for years of violent abuse.
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The Jorvik Times Feb 6
On heels of calling less laudatory thegns “treasonous,” calls for new title to add to “cyning,” but can’t make up his mind: Dear or Supreme Leader.
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The Jorvik Times Feb 5
We may never know. Silence purchased with Danegeld...
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The Jorvik Times Feb 5
With firm grasp of regnal priorities, rails against Witan thegns who didn’t clap enough during State of the Kingdom address.
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The Jorvik Times Jan 30
Prediction for tonight’s State of the Kingdom speech - will read measured text huscarls wrote, call for Witan cooperation, strike conciliatory tone, say nothing controversial. And pundits will bend over backwards to excuse the last 18 months...
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The Jorvik Times Jan 25
Breaking: ordered independent reeve Müller sacked in summer of last year, but relented when top advocate threatened to quit the court. Which is more surprising: that the order was given or that it was rescinded?
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The Jorvik Times Jan 25
Will be interesting if lets Müller interview him under oath. Tamworth town crier, Steve In-His-Keep, reports last time cyng did so he was forced to admit 30 separate lies. What could go wrong?
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The Jorvik Times Jan 22
Chronicles suggest combined Sabbath protests against throughout Mercia were the largest in the kingdom’s h̶i̶s̶ herstory.
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The Jorvik Times Jan 20
Bede: Wait, it’s been only ONE year?!
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The Jorvik Times Jan 20
Witan shuts down to mark coronation anniversary of , says “If he can get away with not doing any real work, why can’t we?”
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The Jorvik Times Jan 17
Feats of Strength Page: Skepticism over apothecary report grows as movement is born - we suggest he ditch the cart & walk the hlincs during his frequent outings.
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The Jorvik Times Jan 17
Charles the Fat: ROFL. Literally - rolling.
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The Jorvik Times Jan 15
New Poll: 93% of Romano-Britons, Welsh, Gaels, Picts surveyed think and his Anglish Mercian supporters should go back to the s***hole country they came from.
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The Jorvik Times Jan 13
Editorial Board: Readership has nearly doubled & donations to scriptorium are up 46% since crowned. If that’s “FAILING,” how shall we describe cyng’s approval rating in low 30s?
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The Jorvik Times Jan 12
Bede: This is why we can’t have nice things.
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