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Ian Fortey
Writer of stuff and things. Currently seeking tacos.
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Ian Fortey 2m
Grocery stores are missing a real opportunity to market these as Muppet Nuts.
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Ian Fortey 2h
Star Trek: Picard? My nerdy soul is stoked.
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Ian Fortey 3h
Replying to @IanFortey
I'm super excited by the plans I have for "Go to Hell" but then I remember none of you have even read "Save the World" yet to know why all these things are going to be awesome. Time to learn patience!
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Ian Fortey 5h
Thanks!
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Ian Fortey 5h
I would like all of that food to be my food.
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Ian Fortey 5h
Replying to @IanFortey
Jokes of this quality pepper my novel.
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Ian Fortey 5h
At twilight the fiend creeps from its tomb, leaving behind the coffin it calls its home to hunt. It moves like a shadow in the moonlight and scrolls through a playlist before choosing its feast. It plays "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go." It is... the Whampire.
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Ian Fortey 5h
Thanks!
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Ian Fortey 5h
Replying to @lizscher @VictressLit
Thanks!
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Ian Fortey 5h
Replying to @IanFortey
And then, of course, we can focus on "Jerry the Scary Dead Clown and Harry Houdini Go to Hell" and "Jerry the Scary Dead Clown and Harry Houdini Meet Their Maker."
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Ian Fortey 5h
Oh, hey. I'm represented by now and we're going to be putting some time and effort into getting my novel "Jerry the Scary Dead Clown and Harry Houdini Save the World" published.
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Ian Fortey 6h
Replying to @LanceForman
And then you and the boy got on Falcor's back and chased those school bullies down an alley and the townspeople all cheered and cheered and cheered!
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Ian Fortey 16h
Replying to @AndyRichter
Does it play the lute? I think I live on the floor below it.
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Ian Fortey 17h
Now the dog has to spend eternity with an asshole.
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Ian Fortey 17h
Replying to @Pontifex
Cc:
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Ian Fortey 17h
This is the only thing I'll poop in.
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Ian Fortey 22h
Replying to @lizscher
You're gonna have crooked omelets.
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Ian Fortey May 22
Eating a Chef Boyardee taco is a lot like taking a bath in someone else's sweat.
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Ian Fortey May 22
Thanks to horror movies, if science ever does find a way to bring someone back from the dead it's never going to be used because who wants to be the asshole to make the first zombie?
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Ian Fortey May 22
Replying to @AndyRichter
They're tricksy.
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