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Elizabeth Osterwisch
I'm an egg sandwich just looking for love. (also a comedian with a root canal on #9) “If you think I’m funny in real life, you’d love me on Twitter” - anonymous
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Elizabeth Osterwisch 5h
Replying to @erikaabdelatif
Luke p is way more dangerous
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Elizabeth Osterwisch 21h
Replying to @angelagrecofine
*given. Come on phone!
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Elizabeth Osterwisch 23h
Replying to @angelagrecofine
Yes, yes it is. It’s a product of them being giving positions. I would guess 10% of men in CEO positions are properly in those positions.
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Elizabeth Osterwisch retweeted
Siobhan Thompson May 19
The theme of Game of Thrones was ultimately “I’d vote for a woman but not this woman”
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Elizabeth Osterwisch May 20
All the old, white VPs I work with capitalize both words in "thank you" regardless of where they fall in a sentence or closing and anyway, they make more money and this grammar extends elsewhere and this is one of the small but numerous ways I'm slowly coming unhinged
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Elizabeth Osterwisch May 19
Replying to @erikaabdelatif
This a great joke
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Elizabeth Osterwisch retweeted
😈 May 17
self care is officially over we're doing drugs again
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Elizabeth Osterwisch May 18
Replying to @CarolineMoss
I was in Montmartre in Paris standing beside the carousel that is prominently featured at the end of Amelie talking to my boyfriend in the US who was at work and breaking up with me over my Blackberry.
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Elizabeth Osterwisch May 18
If the LGBTQIA community was not partially made up of white men, there would be absolutely 0 rights enshrined in law.
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Elizabeth Osterwisch May 18
Shout out to all the men organizing the marches for women's rights. We see you. I'm kidding y'all. They're silent af.
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Elizabeth Osterwisch May 18
Was Holly Golightly the first manic pixie dream girl or was it Blanky from The Brave Little Toaster?
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Elizabeth Osterwisch May 16
. just had a segment called “Late Night Laughs” where they proceeded to show clips from 4 late night hosts talking about the horrifying AL abortion legislation...all white men. It was the perfect mirror for how the fuck we got here.
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Elizabeth Osterwisch retweeted
Timo Neisho May 1
Sex with a consent, is only sex. There is no such a thing as 'consensual sex' or 'non-consensual sex', that is rape. There is sex or rape. Rape is not a type of sex. You wouldnt say 'breathing swimming' or 'non-breathing swimming'. You say swimming or drowning.
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Elizabeth Osterwisch May 1
“I’m on a whatsapp thread with my sister and brother in law, his Romanian family who don’t speak English, & my husband’s divorced parents who don’t speak to one another, so yeah I think I can handle opening the exit door”- me on planes confirming my ability to sit in the exit row
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Elizabeth Osterwisch May 1
Men: Clinton lost because she was too centrist not because she was a woman. Also men: Who is Elizabeth Warren? Imma give my money to a dude with no real policy proposals!!!
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Elizabeth Osterwisch Apr 21
Oh good- something else my mom suggests I try for my comedy career.
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Elizabeth Osterwisch retweeted
gamer wife Apr 18
it brings me no pleasure to report this, but the mueller report has two spaces after every period
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Elizabeth Osterwisch Apr 19
Replying to @jordanpigeon
I hate how good this joke is
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Elizabeth Osterwisch Apr 17
In most of America, you can pay your way out of watching commercials, but if you live in LA, there’s no amount of money that can get you out of watching your friends commercials.
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Elizabeth Osterwisch retweeted
A (ME!) Apr 17
I am: confused. How are they honouring Christine Blasey Ford and honouring HER ABUSER in the same list? EXPLAIN
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