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Tim Bridge
Vermont's Funniest Comedian 2017 // The Barenaked Ladies of People // Dogs // Comedy // Dogs
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159
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Tweets
Tim Bridge Jun 22
“I now pronounce you L Ron Hubby and wife” -Scientologist weddings
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Tim Bridge Jun 20
Another milestone birthday today! At 18, I could purchase tobacco products, at 21 I could purchase alcohol, at 25 I could rent a car, and now at 26 I’m kicked off my parents’ health insurance!
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Tim Bridge Jun 17
I try to stay off social media today because I get too overwhelmed with all the hot dads.
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Tim Bridge Jun 7
I care about hockey so little but holy shit thank god the Caps won
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Tim Bridge Jun 4
Solo is the kind of movie where you go into it like “as long as they don’t have a dumb scene where he gets his last name assigned to him cuz he’s a loner and then the music swells as he looks up, I’ll probably like it” and then it FUCKING DOES EXACTLY THAT!
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Tim Bridge Jun 3
Whoever decided to make Uncle Sam an uncle was misguided. No one listens to their uncle. Especially when they’re yelling at you to go to war.
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Tim Bridge May 30
Replying to @TheRealRosanne @CNN
OH MY GOD SHE WON’T STOP SOMEONE PUT IT OUT OF ITS MISERY
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Tim Bridge May 27
I’m rooting extra hard for the Celtics this year because I’m getting to the point in my comedy career where liking sports is decidedly “off brand” for me, so idk how many years of being allowed to like this I have left.
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Tim Bridge May 25
Probably gonna start seeing Lessgan Freeman in movies.
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Tim Bridge May 24
Advice: 1. Be yourself. 2. If yourself is awful, change.
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Tim Bridge retweeted
KT NELSON May 23
my good bitch you just voted to outlaw your players from protesting this shit
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Tim Bridge May 23
Now is the time that I'm going to implore everyone to start watching the NBA! It's more exciting, it's got better storylines, and its white owners aren't actively trying to undermine the political speech of its minority players like plantation owners! Go Celtics!
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Tim Bridge May 14
Sometimes I miss living in New York and then I spend literally any amount of time in New York.
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Tim Bridge May 13
NYC! I’ll be at tonight for a Just For Laughs New Faces Audition Showcase, just try to come touch my butt I dare you!
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Tim Bridge May 9
Performing in a comedy show for a bunch of people graduating college and it feels inappropriate like I’m giving a toast at an ex’s wedding.
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Tim Bridge May 9
Sometimes I wonder why I'm not a rich and successful comedian and then I share a link to my podcast where I spend two hours telling two other white guys how I thought the new Avengers movie was just okay and I realize I don't deserve it yet.
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Tim Bridge May 8
Replying to @TVsAndyDaly
America: where everyone has at least one rapist in their ”suggested FRIENDS”
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Tim Bridge May 8
Replying to @ohJuliatweets
It’s the only thing I see Johnny Depp in anymore and my thought is “oh shit do I need to boycott perfume now?”
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Tim Bridge May 8
If one of your top five things about summer aren’t “all dogs look like they’re smiling”, I cannot relate to you.
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Tim Bridge May 3
“Look, I realize they’re kinda lame, but I need all these pockets to fit my snails” -me, defending my escargot shorts
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