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Fake Library Statistics
Tweets from a real librarian. Not currently wearing a cardigan.
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Fake Library Statistics 17h
When someone says something dumb about libraries on twitter:
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 17
34% of students own an item labeled "Property of the Library"
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 16
32% of librarian facial expressions are looks of disapproval
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 15
14% of librarians will purposefully buy too much of their favorite candy for the library's Halloween programs
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 15
A librarian when someone calls the decimal in a call number a 'dot'
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 13
Patron to librarian: I’m looking for a good book. What are you reading right now? Librarian *begins sweating, pulse quickens* thinks to self- Which of the eight books in three genre in both fiction and nonfiction do I tell them?
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 12
Each day the average librarian asks themselves “Why?” 23 times, “How did that happen?” 16 times, and “WTF?” 99 times
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 12
There is a 48% chance that a librarian wrote the first subtweet
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 11
A librarian's circuit workout consists of shelving 2 carts, shifting 3 ranges, moving 4 shelves, and unjamming one copier
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 11
The top use of the library shredder is destroying snarky notes taken during library staff meetings
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 10
Today's agenda for 99% of parents with sick children: 9:00 am Pediatrician 10:00 am Pharmacy 11:00 am Local library
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 9
18% of reading dog programs are really just a librarian in a Clifford costume
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 8
The best part of fall in a library is that the books returned with a coffee stain smell like pumpkin spice
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 8
45% of librarians know exactly how many emails they can write waiting for the kettle
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 6
Feel like you’re stuck in between the floor and a sofa like Moonpie and can’t figure out how to escape it all? Remember that there are people out there who support you.
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 5
Librarian gin consumption is up 112% in the last 24 months
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 5
To prevent dumpster diving, 24% of libraries place weeded books in biohazard bags before placing them in the dumpster
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 4
In response to any question you can now say "There's a webinar for that!"
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 3
32% of librarians are named after a parent's favorite literary character
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Fake Library Statistics Oct 3
When the library administration mafia wants to get rid of someone they make them go work with the fiches
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