Twitter | Search | |
Bryan Swift
⚡️Comedy⚡️Tragedy⚡️Dick Jokes⚡️
9,467
Tweets
1,536
Following
573
Followers
Tweets
Bryan Swift retweeted
Amee Vanderpool Jul 12
WATCH Raskin remind everyone that insults toward Donald Trump do not mean deep state conspiracy as he points out overwhelming Republican hypocrisy. These greatest hits insults are delicious.
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift Jul 12
Replying to @HayleyCBee
Neither one is actually me, but they are both actually me
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift retweeted
Dana Schwartz Jul 12
If you're a guy who's mad that he can't "flirt" anymore: how about instead of getting mad at women, you get mad about the men who abused "flirting" to turn it into assault and rape
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift Jul 12
Choke me with your control tops babyyyyyyy
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift Jul 12
Replying to @GrillCheezKilla
I can see you with a little apron and curly mustache mixing aromatic bitters with Hula Hawaiian
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift Jul 12
Replying to @HayleyCBee
I made a meme about this
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift retweeted
Hayley Beamish🥔 Jul 12
☀️ 3 Friendly Reminders ☀️ 1. People can and should wear whatever the hell they want regardless of gender or size. 2. You’re not the Fashion Police. 3. Dressing for the season and being comfortable in the heat isn’t a privilege reserved for thin people.
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift Jul 12
I wish men could just skip the whole 20’s thing where they’re toxic morons and just skip ahead to the part where they realize how amazing women are without being intimidated by it
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift Jul 12
Replying to @gigadom
Ayyyy thank you!
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift Jul 12
Holy shit poppers rule
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift Jul 12
I turned 40 yesterday. No joke here I just needed to say it out loud.
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift Jul 10
Replying to @saramlyons
‘Scuse me, MRS Lyons-Sleepstonight
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift Jul 10
Replying to @saramlyons
Easy for you to say, miss Lyons-Sleepstonight
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift retweeted
Woke But Petty Jul 9
I sat next to a woman on the subway just now who had over 20,000 unread emails and reader let me tell you I absolutely switched train cars to avoid having that chaotic energy near me
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift Jul 6
Opinions are like assholes: most of them stink but if you’re cute I’ll pretend it’s good
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift Jul 6
Replying to @FaceHeadAss
If you’re thinking about saying there’s good people in Montana and Wyoming, save it. Where tf do you think all the anti-immigrant Trump rallies are? Because they ain’t in NYC and LA, that’s for sure.
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift Jul 6
Trump has shown us that there are truly awful people out there that have just been waiting for a truly awful leader. Interestingly, this is exactly why the good people leave their hometowns and move to cities, to get away from those people.
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift Jul 5
Social media has really helped me continue my adolescent habit of developing crushes on funny, intelligent women. It started with Ellen, Judy Gold, and Laura Kightlinger, and continues on today.
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift Jul 4
Alex Jones only thinks the civil war is starting today because he was trying to make 4th of July plans and everyone kept telling him they’re busy.
Reply Retweet Like
Bryan Swift Jul 1
Step 1: have orgasm Step 2: eat cookies Step 3: sleep
Reply Retweet Like