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Liz
Never run upstairs when you're in a horror movie.
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Liz retweeted
Rodney Lacroix Jan 21
Science: Domesticated dogs are most closely related to gray wolves. My dog: There is snow on the ground please put on my booties.
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Kerry on Wayward Son Jan 21
Remember basic manners? Pepperidge Farm does.
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Oracular Snektacular Ⓥ Jan 21
I spent 12 minutes making my own map of the USA and it's too good not to share. So here, this is how a Canadian woman pictures your country in her head.
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Mowgli Nov 12
baby dragon [lifting up a terrified medieval knight]: my dinner is cold mommy dragon: just blow on it, dear
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Liz Jan 20
Women also judge each other based on these things.
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Liz Jan 20
My phone changed, "I'm kidding" to "I'm losing," and I have to think that it was correct.
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Liz Jan 19
Good luck😨 hope it goes as smoothly as possible.
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anxiety ann Jan 16
I have irrational thoughts and know that they are irrational.
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Liz Jan 18
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Liz Jan 18
I remember this feeling😆 hope your work-weekend goes well
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Liz Jan 18
Hope everyone has a good weekend💜
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Liz Jan 16
I spend a lot of time on my phone for someone who doesn't talk to anyone.
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Conan O'Brien Jan 16
Just relax, and remember: you can always go into the woods in Red Dead Redemption and eat berries.
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Liz Jan 16
I agree
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Liz Jan 16
A smart woman doesn't shop at Bath and Body Works all willy-nilly; she patiently awaits the coupons in the mail.
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Rodney Lacroix Jan 15
Mysterio emerges in the new Spider-Man to tell everyone how to correctly pronounce Gyllenhaal.
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Jawbreaker Jan 15
HUSBAND: Sometimes I think you love animals more than you love me. ME: (awkward silence)
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SJC Jan 10
When a group of existentialists can't agree, it's called a dreadlock.
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Liz Jan 15
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Rob Cee Jan 15
I'm a college graduate who votes & pays taxes, but for all I know, electricity is invisible fire.
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