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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
In honour of , I present the following scientific thread that constitutes definitive ranking of Non-Primary-Canon pasta shapes
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
entries this year are drawn from a shortlist that was CAREFULLY compiled by applying BRUTAL and SCIENTIFIC criteria that I WILL NOT reveal
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ཊལབསརངཧ
I will now tweet this years rankings, in ASCENDING order of pasta shapes, from WORST to BEST
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
22. *LAST PLACE* – Croxetti • pasta NOT a place for GraphicsDesign • this is just a disc • m8 • TERRIBLE sauce retention • wilted mouthfeel
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
21. Capellini • I dont care if ur famous • you are just Garbage Spaghetti • Absolute Pile Of Mush • Literally allergic to retaining sauce
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
20. Rombi • Oh dear • Almost feeling sorry for you • those ridges aren't gonna help the sauce stay on m8 • marks given for having diagonals
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
19. Trenne • triangular shape almost conveys bladerunner-esque neo-future noir • cold, heartless form befits our age • unsociable to sauce
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
18. Rotele • entertains children & adults alike w charming suggestion of popular invention "The Wheel" • sauce-phobic again • good w pestos
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
17. Gigli • Unsatisfyingly inconsistent mouthfeel • Also A Famous Hollywood Picture • Frequently Overcooked • Better Alternatives Exist
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
16. Lumaconi • Ah, The Giant Snailshell • Large enuf 2hide Entire Ingredients leading to Frequent Surprises • convex exterior rejects sauce
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
15. Paccheri • Always seems like a good idea at the time • comically hard to eat with both fork and spoon • elegant look but sauce agnostic
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
14. Farfalloni • It's Giant Bowties Lads • good texture contrast due to thick center / thinner fringe • ultimately is it Just Big Farfalle?
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
13. Conchiglie • needs to be al dente • fabulous sauce transporter • squirts boiling sauce into roof of mouth when bitten • spoon-friendly
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
12. Girandole • vertically stretched type but for fusili • not actually as good as fusili • extreme shape inconsistency betwn manufacturers
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
11. Fusili Avellinesi • "The Thinking Man's Girandole™" • A Real Conversation Starter • bold mover • Ultimately not great sauce retainer
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
10. Campanelle • Simply Better than gigli • tighter florets actually hold ingredients • prone to overcooking • a friend to the humble pea
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
9. Garganelli • Underrated jack-of-all-trades • a real sauce holder and comrade • solid texture contrast esp when ridged • tooty pipe shape
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
8. Trofie • Fabulous bouncy texture that is fun to bite • simply Loves The Pesto • inflexible • sometimes u just gotta hand it to em
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
7. Fusili Bucati • fractal pasta with near-infinite surface area • there is a Tube Inside The Tube • ultimately 2 varied btwn manufacturers
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ཊལབསརངཧ 25 Oct 17
Replying to @David_Rudnick
6. Creste Di Gialli • Cock-A-DoodleDoo its the Rooster Crest • murders Gigli &Campanelle on their own shit • sauce retainer AND transporter
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