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Dan LaMorte
comedian. enjoys gluten free food & weed. new album “Infect Me Once” comes out July 19 w/ . the “Infect Me Once” tour starts September 4th. tickets ⤵️
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Dan LaMorte 10h
Waiting for food, wanted to talk. Only Boston show on my tour just went on sale, September 7th at . I have pimples on my knees.
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Dan LaMorte 11h
Replying to @SpinHuck
Just in pain nothing crazy
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Dan LaMorte 14h
Replying to @weirdstepdad
Thank you :)
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Dan LaMorte 14h
Replying to @punwithwordz
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Dan LaMorte 15h
Replying to @weirdstepdad
Yeah when I get back to NJ I’ll see my chiropractor. He always helps
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Dan LaMorte 15h
Replying to @DCuntfused
It must be the chunk of bone that fell out of my hip
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Dan LaMorte 15h
Replying to @MacDoug1
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Dan LaMorte 15h
I didn’t believe a 24 year old could hurt a hip, so I ignored it. Walking to lunch, I had to smoke a joint. Waiting for lunch, I had to smoke a joint to get comfortable to sit. Walking home, I smoked a joint to get me through. Now I’m just too high & realizing my hip still hurts
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Dan LaMorte 17h
There’s a bath mat that hangs on the towel rack across from the toilet in the apartment I’ve been staying. The mat has a tag that says how to say “100% polyester” in 35 languages. I now know 35 ways to say 100% polyester before even being 100% sure what polyester is.
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Dan LaMorte 17h
Replying to @itsedenexile
What a luxury
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Dan LaMorte 18h
When I was a kid, I saw the movie Panic Room. That’s when I realized I wanted to be wealthy, when I found out money can buy a steel-enforced room that separates you from all people
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Dan LaMorte 18h
Replying to @ChippitaSnacks
Looks great, they all look good!
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Dan LaMorte 18h
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Dan LaMorte 18h
Replying to @harptuck
Charlotte should be so fun, ending on a high note! Literally ✌🏻💨
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Dan LaMorte retweeted
Opus One Comedy Jun 14
COMEDY CLIP! Renowned comedian brings the laughs to on Sept 14th! Tix:
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Dan LaMorte Jun 18
Replying to @HeyDanKurtz
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Dan LaMorte Jun 18
Replying to @ColdbeerSteven
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Dan LaMorte Jun 18
Replying to @manthapaige13
And true! But hey, a place is a place even if I must get roasted
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Dan LaMorte Jun 18
Replying to @manthapaige13
I’m so stoned that I’m just happy at least one person understood what I was saying, thank you 🙏
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Dan LaMorte Jun 18
My AirBNB host told me the other guy he rents to is a lawyer and works “adult job” hours. He didn’t lie when he said the apartment makes you feel at home.
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