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Conan O'Brien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
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Conan O'Brien 12h
People say I’m an “out of touch” celebrity but my butler puts on my pants one leg at a time just like everyone else.
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Conan O'Brien Sep 19
Only two thousand six hundred and fifteen days until AVATAR 5!
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Conan O'Brien Sep 18
Just to show you how hard it is to break into the movie business, Obama had to first become president.
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Conan O'Brien Sep 17
If this tweet gets 10 likes I’ll release my audition tape for Hustlers.
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Conan O'Brien Sep 16
Butter in the fridge! Sherbet in the freezer! Scrooge's first name Was Eb-en-eezer! What's that? Leave the jumprope contest?
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Conan O'Brien Sep 15
If you run out of bedtime stories to tell your kids, don't improvise and read them the "It: Chapter 2" synopsis off IMDb
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Conan O'Brien Sep 14
Luckily I never started vaping because there were many conclusive studies stating I would never look cool doing it.
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Conan O'Brien Sep 13
Someone texted me by accident, and now I'm headed to Costco to pick up Kristin.
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Conan O'Brien Sep 12
Ben Folds is my favorite singer/songwriter/complete sentence.
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Conan O'Brien Sep 11
Actor Matthew McConaughey is now a professor at the University of Texas. That means, sometime this semester, someone's gonna get flunked by Matthew McConaughey.
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Conan O'Brien Sep 10
is exactly like "Ocean's 11," only instead of robbing multiple casinos we are making people laugh in multiple comedy clubs. So it's really nothing like "Ocean's 11."
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Conan O'Brien Sep 9
Looking for a way to help those affected by Hurricane Dorian? Text REDCROSS to 90999 to make an automatic $10 donation to the .
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Conan O'Brien Sep 8
California Fun Fact: 50% of our land is under yoga mats.
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Conan O'Brien Sep 7
“Bitterly clung to power for over 3 decades." I can't believe Mugabe stole my obituary.
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Conan O'Brien Sep 6
‘Why isn’t Visine called ‘Eyeball-Chapstick,’ and why am I allowed to tweet?
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Conan O'Brien Sep 5
Is there nothing more stupendous in the language of English than a sentence of healthy construct?
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Conan O'Brien Sep 4
A new study found the safest city to travel to is Tokyo, Japan. Unless, of course, you're a dolphin.
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Conan O'Brien Sep 3
"My Greenland show airs tonight at 10 PM," is a phrase 12-year-old me never dreamed I'd be saying.
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Conan O'Brien Aug 31
I just ordered a Popeye’s chicken sandwich on eBay.
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Conan O'Brien Aug 29
Turns out that I love "reheated coffee" more than I love "brewing a fresh pot of coffee."
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