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Conan O'Brien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
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Conan O'Brien 3h
Either I was a terrible NBA coach, or my players just weren't good enough to run my patented heptadecagon offense.
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Conan O'Brien Jun 18
I just saw 3 of North Korea’s nuclear weapons on eBay.
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Conan O'Brien Jun 17
All I want for Father's Day is for my kids to stop calling me "Not-Dwayne-Johnson."
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Conan O'Brien Jun 16
I’m still confident Tiffany Haddish will not reveal what I did at a party to Steve Martin.
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Conan O'Brien Jun 15
One big perk of being part of the new AT&T/Time Warner family is I now have access to the exclusive FIFTH bar.
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Conan O'Brien Jun 14
There's no one I'd rather go Super Saiyan with than .
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Conan O'Brien Jun 14
My goal is to be featured in a piece about celebrities called "You'll definitely believe what they look like today"
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Conan O'Brien Jun 13
Thank you to and my young friends at Ecole Nouvelle Zoranje for sending me this beautiful mural.
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Conan O'Brien Jun 12
After I retire, I want to move to Vermont and confuse visitors by opening a “Bed OR Breakfast.”
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Conan O'Brien Jun 11
Hard to believe that it used to take days, even weeks, to call someone you disagreed with “Hitler.”
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Conan O'Brien Jun 10
Hats off to the team of puppeteers who control Rudy Giuliani’s facial expressions.
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Conan O'Brien Jun 9
President Trump and Kim Jong Un reportedly have different ideas of the word “denuclearize.” It’s just like “Laurel vs. Yanni” except with the whole planet at risk.
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Conan O'Brien Jun 7
Great news, my mom just called to say Scott Pruitt bought a broken ottoman from her garage sale for $275,000.
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Conan O'Brien retweeted
Conan O'Brien Jun 6
Replying to @nickkroll
That's weird, look what I just found in my potato.
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Conan O'Brien Jun 6
Replying to @nickkroll
That's weird, look what I just found in my potato.
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Conan O'Brien Jun 6
To make my grandfather proud, every June 6th I storm the beach at Malibu.
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Conan O'Brien Jun 5
In a show of solidarity today, I baked a cake for my friends who are a gay couple. It was terrible and they threw it in the garbage.
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Conan O'Brien Jun 4
Ever go to Starbucks in the late afternoon and see that one slice of lemon poppy seed loaf alone in the display case? That’s what my twenties were like.
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Conan O'Brien Jun 3
One of Jesus's greatest miracles? He was a carpenter, but He didn't bring it up every time you met Him.
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Conan O'Brien Jun 2
America Ferrara had a baby. I’d like to see Trump ​​claim that kid wasn’t born in “America.”
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