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Comedienne
here's a thought
21
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Comedienne Dec 6
We were playing limbo rock in a party, a friend of mine went as a tiki torch and when our other friend became the first casualty, tiki torch goes: omg i beat you
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Comedienne Dec 6
Wish without worry and all desires will be fulfilled it's true, that's where I got it why am i reading these hashtags sarcastically
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Comedienne Dec 6
: when watching historical documentaries,keep a tab of the world map open, you'll enjoy the story more when you kind of have an idea where it is located present day! Or tbh, if you're like me, you have no clue where some of these places are
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Comedienne 6 Oct 18
You know youre with a fast driver when your car spends more time overtaking vs staying in its own damn lane
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Comedienne 1 Oct 18
We should start taking compliments seriously and criticisms lightly, and not the other way around?
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Comedienne 1 Oct 18
Parents who buy the same exact clothes for their children are classified under loaded but impractical as fuck in my book
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Comedienne 29 Sep 18
Everytime caitlin jenner feels bad i'll just bombard her with attractive pictures of people from across all genders, hope that gives us at least 5 mins of happiness
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Comedienne 29 Sep 18
If I see feel bad, i will literally not to do anything.. boy better count ya blessings
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Comedienne 29 Sep 18
When feels bad I'll just text one of her kids to fuck up
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Comedienne 29 Sep 18
Everytime kylie feels bad about anything i'll be on the side with extra copies of her billionaire cover inside a huge bag. i'll just throw her a copy whenever she needs a boost
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Comedienne 29 Sep 18
Kim is pissed. Kanye does something c r a z y *looks side to side* it's okay if they hate you, money smells so much better than poor haters
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Comedienne 29 Sep 18
Tension rises. Khloe looks at me. *nervous laughter* "at least you're not the fat one anymore, ehh?? *coughs* Rob
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Comedienne 29 Sep 18
What if I were to official of the ? Just, there, with them looking at me long enough for me to know it's time to make a joke
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Comedienne 29 Sep 18
I overheard the worst date ever with the guy ending it by saying:"should i just finish that drink for ya?" CANT
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Comedienne 29 Sep 18
I tried to do the smokey eye look and the whole night people kept asking me if "i could see properly". What a mess
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Comedienne 29 Sep 18
My parents broke up well after my siblings and I were in our 20s and 30s.. so now it's just awkward to blame your mom and dad for not being able to go to work cause 'they broke up'
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Comedienne 29 Sep 18
This is going to be that tweet where I make people believe in law of attraction. I'll be on a talk show and it will be F U N
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Comedienne 29 Sep 18
One time my niece asked if my ex boyfriend broke up with me or did he just die
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Comedienne 29 Sep 18
Apparently, is taken so im gonna go with comedienne Blech
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Comedienne 29 Sep 18
One time my brother spat his phlegm out the window and it went straight to my cousin's face since his window was ALSO open
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