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Lee Blevins
Open mic comedian. Only pays in exposure humorist. Slack-jawed hipster.
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Lee Blevins 14h
I made my girlfriend watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer so she would understand why I keep letting tall dark and broody men bite me.
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maggie lalley Jul 18
Ironic & Psychotic Hetero Tinder Bios From Women At The End of Their Rope
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Lee Blevins Jul 18
I wrote a screenplay in middle school. It was Tarantino meets Scorsese meets my grandfather died when I was 12 so the 2nd semester of 7th grade was extra angsty. My preferred pick for leading lady described her part as, “Get away from my locker!”
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Lee Blevins Jul 17
I dance like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. Not during the dance scene but after she's O.d.'d on the floor.
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Lee Blevins Jul 16
God is a cuck. First he told the Israelis not to worship false idols and then he watched the whole thing from the closet.
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Lee Blevins Jul 16
Replying to @MoviesSilently
Exactly. There's obscure to average person - maybe. But anyone who even cares who influenced Hitchcock and Wilder (and clicking on that article) would at least have heard of Lubitsch.
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Lee Blevins Jul 16
The phrase “I love ‘Something’ by the Beatles" makes you sound like the ultimate poser to someone who knows nothing about the Beatles.
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Lee Blevins Jul 15
My high school reunion was just like Grosse Pointe Blank except I’m not a hitman so I was unprepared for the assassin in the back hallway. Luckily, I was armed with a pen I was considering jamming through my windpipe.
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Lee Blevins Jul 14
I helped my girlfriend move right down the street from me. So I made sure to dump all her dirty socks on the highway just so the smell doesn’t lower the property values in my neighborhood.
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Lee Blevins Jul 13
I never walked in on my parents having sex but I fell in on them once. That's what they get for doing it under a K-Mart trampoline.
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Lee Blevins Jul 13
I'm getting my finances in order. I finally linked my checking account to my anxiety disorder.
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Lee Blevins Jul 12
Confession: I slept with stuffed animals until I was thirteen. That's why I keep trying to have a threesome with my girlfriend's winter coat.
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Sarah Schmelling Jul 11
Some silver linings! (and maybe some stingrays) in my Summer Fairy Tales for Parents
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Lee Blevins Jul 11
548 people got e coli off a zip line in Gatlinburg. In related news, daredevil anal bead enthusiast sends NSFW Go-Pro video to the Guinness Book of World Records.
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Lee Blevins Jul 10
If religion is the opium of the masses, then philosophy is the DMT. You think you've discovered the meaning of life and then you realize you've peed your pants.
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Lee Blevins Jul 9
The comedy grind has changed me. Or at least my Briggs Meyer personality type. I am now an ENFP which is short for secret go-getter who isn't that shy after all but is desperate in a way more pathetic way.
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Lee Blevins Jul 9
It’s not right to call Steve Bannon names at a bookstore. He was just minding his own business, in the children’s section, looking for a Little Golden Book edition of Mein Kampf.
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Lee Blevins Jul 8
A remake of 24 starring me - but not fighting terrorists - that's just how long I get to wear a mustache before my girlfriend makes me shave it.
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Lee Blevins Jul 5
My new humor piece is up I like it and I hope you do, too
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Little Old Lady Comedy Jul 5
"You can make Brandon Lee jokes and everyone will give you a high five. A lot of us went through a goth phase in high school. Check out this knife. Pretty sweet, huh. I need it for reasons." - on an exclusive new coffee shop
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